Thursday, March 29, 2012

Mandi and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

Don't feel sorry for me-- this is pure, lame, whining.

And I have nothing to whine about.


Everything's cool, everything's peachy, except every single person in this house is waking up on the wrong side of the bed.

We had fights this morning about one boy coughing on the other. What was it last night that everyone was peeing their pants over? Oh, right. One kid was so thirsty they were "going to die!" and someone had toothpaste flicked on them.

One kid didn't have the toothbrush he wanted.

I feel tired/grouchy just typing this.

So last night, after I screamed at all my kids and sent 3 out of 4 of them to bed crying,

(I wish I was kidding. I hang my head in shame)

I headed down to the computer. And to make a long story short (TOO LATE!), I backed up all my kids' funny comments you see over there on my sidebar. I don't want to lose them, see.

And then, I ended up laughing so hard I's crying.

Allow me to share my faves with you, would ya? The real oldies are the best, I think. And I could use another good laugh this morning. 'Cause apparently we all need to get to bed at like 7 pm tonight or something.

So without further ado,

I give you: kids' quotes. Best of the best.

Jamison: "Mom! Why are you taking so long?" Me: "Um, hello, sweetcheeks? You can get up and get that yourself." Jamison (pouting, says very quietly): "Why did you call me 'buttcheeks'?"


Jace: "Mom, Cookie Monster drinks coffee. AND, he smokes. Just not on the show."

Jace: "Did you know that vampires have blood on their waffles instead of syrup? They do. They do the same thing for pancakes."


Jamison (making a Christmas card):" Mom, how do you spell Horz?" (sounds just like Whores), Me: "What??" " I want to say 'ho' 'ho' ho' but I want to call them ho-ers." Me:"Um you can't call them that." Jamison: "Fine. How do you spell 'Merry Christmas, Ho's!' ?"

Jamison: "If I were the adult and you were the kid, I would have let YOU stay in the pool as long as you wanted."

Jace: "Mom I'm birsty." Jamison: "Jace, what the heck is 'birsty'? It starts with an 'f'".

Jamison: "Mommy I'm hungry! You think of something for me." (me being so sick of this question): "Okay, how 'bout poop on a stick?" Jamison: "Poop on a stick? That's delicious??"

Me: "Jace did ya wipe your bum?" Jace: "Yep, I did. Last week."

Jace: "Mom what is that on your face?" Me:"Oh it's just a zit." Jace: "It looks like an alien."

Jamison: "MOM. You didn't give me my after school snack!" Me: "Um dude, I never had an after school snack, so chill." Jamison: "That's 'cause you were always bad."

Jamison: "Daddy, can we play tag? If ya say no you're gonna get a hard spankin'."

Jace: "Hey, that's not our car! That's a truck!" Me: "Actually that's an SUV." Jace: "Oh yeah. An S.O.B."

And finally,
Jamison (age 4): "I didn't turn this computer on so you could check your email."

I'm feeling much better already.

36 comments:

M Mommy to 4 said...

Oh my gosh! I just about died laughing all of those! And can I mention how much I grin every time I see your blog header? It makes me happy. I shared the link to this post on facebook because I loved it so much! I hope your day improves!

Trina Rae said...

I'm currently at work...my students are taking a test. I started reading this and had got laughing out loud. Apparrently it's distracting for your teacher to laugh at random stuff on the computer while you're taking an exam, so I had to stop. I'll be reading later though, don't you worry...

Jennifer said...

Awesome. I sometimes think I keep my kids around just for the entertainment. =)

-Lisa said...

Mandi, you are going to get me in trouble!!! I am sitting at my desk trying to eat without inhaling my food and choking to death. Also, I have a staff of 42 that see me as their 'leader' (oh they are so mislead!) and I am holding in laughter while keeping food in my mouth. Let's just say it is not pretty to see or hear!
This is a post I will definitely be sending to my sis who has two young ones and one of 'em has doozies like this at least once a day.
Thanks for the laugh!

Bethany @ A Fish Who Likes Flowers said...

Ohmygosh!!! I can't decide which quote is my favorite! I really like the "Merry Christmas, Ho's" Oh, thanks for the laugh, and I hope you keep posting the funny things your kids say because I do read your sidebar regularly to see if there's anything new. Plus, I'm sure it's nice to have something you can read when you're ready to strangle them (not that I would ever condone such an action)

P.S. I love the title! It was my favorite book when I was growing up, and every so often I have a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day myself.

Just Barb said...

You just made me spit water out my NOSE! I always said my life was boring before my little boy came along...and yup, you just proved it again--little boys can be the BEST entertainment :)

Janet said...

Your kids are hysterical! Thanks for the laugh!

LaurMKK said...

Thank you! I needed that. I only have one kid, and it was a to bed in tears night for us too lasts night. I am blaming the Moon...it could not possibly be a lack of good Mommy skills! Tonight will be better for all, with a little humor mixed in.

Laur

Trina Rae said...

I made it back to read this post with no one around...HILARIOUS. I know my kids say funny stuff, but I never write it down and always forget. I might have to start documenting myself. Funny stuff. :o)

Lisa Scibilia said...

Oh my gosh that was so funny, I was laughing my head off and the kids came in to see what was cracking me up so I read a handful of them out loud. Thanks for the entertainment on a grey day! You're the best - I love that you wrote these down. Every time you are having a long day you'll have to come read your own blog and giggle at the funny things your kids say!!!

Thanks for sharing :)

Lisa Scibilia said...

PS your baby boy's eyebrows are sooo stinkin cute!!! I love them.

COTTAG3 said...

Priceless, just priceless what kids say. As a pediatric speech-language pathologist, you can only imagine what I've heard. One of my favorites? When a little boy bothered a little girl in our group, the little girl yelled, "He's getting on my nuts!"

Sylvia said...

It takes a lot to make me laugh. It takes a lot more to make me laugh so hard I cry. uncontrollably. can't stop. doubled over.

You did it. It's been a long time. SO funny! Thanks! {I'll be thinking of that Christmas Card with a smile on my face everytime I'm sad. Oh, mah goodness!!}

Connie said...

I am sitting at the drs.office reading this And I can't stop laughing/coughing. But you made sick better. Thanks!

Rach said...

These comments always make me laugh/cry!!
Thanks for making my own horrible terrible no good very bad day a lot better.
I think my kids are lucky if I don't make them cry...t least once in the day...: )

Tracy's Trinkets and Treasures said...

Love you and your family. Thanks for sharing with us.

Spencer & Lorilyn Crum said...

Love it. If my kids are half as funny as yours, I will be extremely happy.

Twice Nice said...

Oh, my, gosh, I loved reading these. I wish I had kept all the funny things my girls said in one place to look back to on the horrible, terrible, no good, very bad days!

KathleenM said...

Hi, I somehow found my way to your blog and spent over an hour reading. Loved it! Loved your projects, though not handy myself. Wish I was a woman with your talent with wood ;) Loved reading about your kids. I can relate! Enjoyed my hour. Thanks.

Terry said...

I had to pee before I read these and now I feel like I peed my pants. Too funny!

murphyboysmom5 said...

Too funny, Mandi! Loved them! I wish I would've thought to document my sons' funny quotes when they were younger. What a wonderful remembrance!

Rebecca D said...

I had two of these days in a row and I needed the laugh! Thanks!!

Jean said...

My kids are all grown now. I sure wish I had kept a journal of the funny stuff they say. You are so smart to do this...and thanks for sharing the laughter!

WhettenWild said...

You need to put them all in a book. Maybe in a couple of years after you have collected more. Your kids crack me up.

Kelly Biggs at My Dear Trash said...

Now I peed my pants!

Evelyn said...

Oh. My. Gosh....poop on a stick? ha ha ha!!! i love all the awesome quotes, and the poop may be my favorite, or it may be the Smoking Cookie Monster, or perhaps the buttcheeks...I can't choose! I'm glad you were able to laugh, and I hope the days get happier!:-)

pinktoesandpowertools.com said...

OMG that was hilarious!!! Thanks for the laugh!

Shannon said...

This made my night! So cute!

My Name's Sarah said...

All hilarious, but my favorite is definitely the "whore" quote. Holy crap-- hysterical!

GustoBones said...

So funny. I loved hearing about the hilarious things your kids have said. I also loved the "Clue" line you slipped in there. And you'd got a letter, and you'd got a letter....

GustoBones said...

So funny. I loved hearing about the hilarious things your kids have said. I also loved the "Clue" line you slipped in there. And you'd got a letter, and you'd got a letter....

GustoBones said...

So funny. I loved hearing about the hilarious things your kids have said. I also loved the "Clue" line you slipped in there. And you'd got a letter, and you'd got a letter....

GustoBones said...

So funny. I loved hearing about the hilarious things your kids have said. I also loved the "Clue" line you slipped in there. And you'd got a letter, and you'd got a letter....

The Roberts' Report said...

That was freakin' hysterical!! I've been reading ur blog for about a year and I can completely relate. And I am pretty sure if we lived near each other we would be BFF's, or at least cyber buddies! :)

Lauren @ Gypsy Pioneer said...

Just found your blog, and seriously can't stop laughing reading this! You need to have a weekly post on the things your kids say! I can only imagine what will come out of my son when he can talk...thank God he can't yet!

xo,
lauren

Teri said...

Baaaaaaahahahaha! Your kids are hee-larious!!