I'm the kind a gal who never has the clever comeback when someone's all mean and butt munchy with me.
I'm the kind a gal who, hours later, goes, "I know what I should have said. . . next time I'll say _____."
I'm also the kind a gal who makes no pretenses about my housekeeping abilities. My cooking? Eh. It's so-so. My cleaning? Um. . . .
Don't I tell you that cleaning is on the backburner? To be honest, I keep my dishes done, my children clean, the laundry from backing up, my bed's made daily, and frankly, I think I've done darned good.
So what's my point?
Here's the dealy-o: I had a neighbor kid let himself into my house the other day. Led himself up to my second floor. And when he came down?
I don't remember exactly what he said. But it hurt, man. Like a punch to the junk, it hurt.
All I remember was something along the lines of "your carpet looks awful. . . who picks white carpet? . . . you need to do something about your stairs. . . "
This, is what I wanted to say.
"You know what, buddy? This carpet is the bain of my existence. You know what? It'd cost me $2,000 to replace just my main floor. You know what, buddy? I've considered it 87,408 times.
And you know what, buddy? I don't need to answer to you. This is my house, and I'll clean it when I (*beep*) well want to.
I don't clean my house for you, or anybody! I clean for me. And ya know what? I don't think cleaning is all that important. You know what I believe is more important than cleaning?
Yeah, you heard me: anything and everything is more important than cleaning in my book. Perfectly kept houses are for people whose only hobby is cleaning.
My house isn't a hoarders house. It's not going to be condemned. Child and family services aren't going to come by with a warning.
But yes, there a little teeny fingerprints everywhere. Yes, my bathroom probably stanks. And yeah, you'll know what we had for dinner just by looking at the kitchen floor. Yes, I HATE MY CARPET. Yes, there are toys to step and stub your toe on.
Maybe I like it that way. Have you ever thought of that? I like to think of it as a "lived-in" look. I like to think my house just screams, "4 CHILDREN LIVE HERE AND THEY'RE VERY GRUBBY AND VERY HAPPY!"
And furthermore, buddy, tell your mom I'm coming over to your house for an on-the-spot white glove test. Oh, and if my house is so nasty, maybe you should stop coming over to eat all my food. Drop that donut right where you stand."
But I didn't say any a that.
I think I gave some lame reply about not liking my carpet, either.
But thanks for letting me tell him off in my head. Appreciate ya.