Thursday, September 15, 2011

It's My House And I'll Clean If I Want to.

Ya know,

I'm the kind a gal who never has the clever comeback when someone's all mean and butt munchy with me.

I'm the kind a gal who, hours later, goes, "I know what I should have said. . . next time I'll say _____."

Source: google.com via Mandi on Pinterest




I'm also the kind a gal who makes no pretenses about my housekeeping abilities. My cooking? Eh. It's so-so. My cleaning? Um. . . .

Don't I tell you that cleaning is on the backburner? To be honest, I keep my dishes done, my children clean, the laundry from backing up, my bed's made daily, and frankly, I think I've done darned good.

So what's my point?

Nothing. Everything.

Here's the dealy-o: I had a neighbor kid let himself into my house the other day. Led himself up to my second floor. And when he came down?

I don't remember exactly what he said. But it hurt, man. Like a punch to the junk, it hurt.

All I remember was something along the lines of "your carpet looks awful. . . who picks white carpet? . . . you need to do something about your stairs. . . "


Source: None via Mandi on Pinterest




This, is what I wanted to say.

"You know what, buddy? This carpet is the bain of my existence. You know what? It'd cost me $2,000 to replace just my main floor. You know what, buddy? I've considered it 87,408 times.



And you know what, buddy? I don't need to answer to you. This is my house, and I'll clean it when I (*beep*) well want to.

I don't clean my house for you, or anybody! I clean for me. And ya know what? I don't think cleaning is all that important. You know what I believe is more important than cleaning?

EVERYTHING.

Yeah, you heard me: anything and everything is more important than cleaning in my book. Perfectly kept houses are for people whose only hobby is cleaning.

My house isn't a hoarders house. It's not going to be condemned. Child and family services aren't going to come by with a warning.



But yes, there a little teeny fingerprints everywhere. Yes, my bathroom probably stanks. And yeah, you'll know what we had for dinner just by looking at the kitchen floor. Yes, I HATE MY CARPET. Yes, there are toys to step and stub your toe on.

Maybe I like it that way. Have you ever thought of that? I like to think of it as a "lived-in" look. I like to think my house just screams, "4 CHILDREN LIVE HERE AND THEY'RE VERY GRUBBY AND VERY HAPPY!"

Source: None via Mandi on Pinterest




And furthermore, buddy, tell your mom I'm coming over to your house for an on-the-spot white glove test. Oh, and if my house is so nasty, maybe you should stop coming over to eat all my food. Drop that donut right where you stand."

Source: google.com via Mandi on Pinterest



But I didn't say any a that.

I think I gave some lame reply about not liking my carpet, either.

But thanks for letting me tell him off in my head. Appreciate ya.

42 comments:

Rebecca D said...

First of all... He is a kid??? Just flick a booger at him! Secondly, I always think of snotty responces, and unfortunatly they tend to spill out my mouth from time to time... I'd rather think of them later and giggle then have to say "I'm sorry" to some butt-munch who had it coming!

Brooke said...

What a rude little turd! Don't let it get you down... you are certainly not the only one. My only goal is to keep my house clean enough so DFCS doesn't come and take me kids :) I have a friend who's little girls wear dresses and pretty bows in their hair every day... my 2 year old daughter wears one of her Disney princess nightgowns all day (it is WW3 getting that child dressed) unless we go somewhere. But my kids are healthy and happy. I am lucky enough to get to stay home with them... I'm not going to spend all of that precious time cleaning my house. :)

Connie @ Measured by the Heart said...

I've had the same experience...it cuts you a little. I'm sorry you had to go through that!

Jen said...

No wonder I love you!!! Nuff said. <3

Janelle said...

I can never think of anything to say either. I do think of it weeks later usually while taking a shower and I laugh my head off. My kids are wondering what I am doing in the shower laughing so hard.

also... I hope it wasn't my kid. If so, he needs to take a good look around our house.

Michelle@Somedaycrafts said...

I'm going to print out "Perfectly Kept houses are for BORING people whose only hobby is cleaning." and put that on my front door so when people walk in they know that 1. I am NOT boring. 2. My hobby isn't cleaning! Great post! Please come teach sunday school at my church. I'd laugh the whole way through.

calikas said...

That was seriously amazing. Made my night.

Screw you little kid...one day you will understand...

well..maybe not.

But its better to get the rant out, rather than keeping it in.

Also glad i'm not the only one to let out a rant now and again :)

Laura at Ms. Smartie Pants said...

If the opportunity arises again, simply reply, NO ONE dies and says I wished I cleaned more! You go girl!

Make Me Over said...

Indeed - rude child! My house is the same... you're right EVERYTHING is more important than cleaning!

Cindy said...

You are too funny!

SueAnn said...

What a brat! I think cleaning is overrated for sure! And I too think of great comebacks hours later as well!! Sigh!
I feel your pain.
Hugs
SueAnn

Lori said...

Every now and then I can come up with a good one at the "moment" that I need to. But mostly, I'm just like you. Kids! Adults too! Amazing.

COTTAG3 said...

I don't like to clean either. It's always last on my "to do" list. It's mostly the vacuuming and dusting I despise. However, I do think of comebacks immediately off the top of my head...I just don't say them outloud...because most of them may be a little inappropriate.

Shirley said...

Next time the kid comes over, call me. I've got LOTS of experience with smiling while telling a kid off!! :) It'll take him two weeks to figure it out. Adults I'm not so good with...kids I can do with my eyes closed. Have a great day, cause you're awesome in my book!

Christy said...

I've heard similar comments from neighbor children as well, but they still keep coming over! My motto is that my house is clean enough to be healthy, but dirty enough to be fun!!! It's so much better to pay attention to your children than to cleaning all the time, you are making beautiful memories!!

Dara said...

For the record, I HATE that carpet as well, not that it matters but I am right there with ya!
And now I bet you have the hood in a tizzy wondering which one of their little kiddos said something! HAHA! I am a cleaner, not a white glove cleaner by any means, but the clutter bugs the crap out of me! But with 3 kiddos I am learning, life with kids comes with clutter. And also, if a kiddo said anything like that in my house, I would ask them to leave....just sayin!

Jessie K said...

And here I was feeling a tiny bit bad about my disastrous house because my single bro has been visiting and now his gf is here.

No longer!

I am proud to have a messy house! I am proud to have laundry piled on the couch and unwashed sheets on the beds! I will uphold my dust mites and fingerprinted windows for all to see! Because my kids are happy, healthy and well-fed, I will not be ashamed of the state of my house!

That and I'm preggers for the 3rd time and REALLY don't feel like bending over a whole lot!

Whimsy-ma-blog said...

Amen, sister! There's a point when you have young kids around the house where cleaning becomes almost an act of insanity. Only crazy people keep doing things that they KNOW are going to be destroyed instantly.

Udygirl said...

Your house looks amazing! I can't believe that you keep adding things because it already looks great. (I do love everything you add and I do need to see it all in person!) Anyone who doesn't think your house is awesome derserves a kick in the head.

Spencer & Lorilyn Crum said...

What a little crapper. My house is never clean either, even right after I clean it. Two seconds later there is dog hair all over the floor again. I'm actually terrified to think of what adding kids into the equation will do.

Or, perhaps my dreams of dreams will come true and once I have a new kitchen, I will magically transform into Martha Stewart.

I'm banking on the second one occurring.

Spencer & Lorilyn Crum said...

What a little crapper. My house is never clean either, even right after I clean it. Two seconds later there is dog hair all over the floor again. I'm actually terrified to think of what adding kids into the equation will do.

Or, perhaps my dreams of dreams will come true and once I have a new kitchen, I will magically transform into Martha Stewart.

I'm banking on the second one occurring.

Emily said...

I HATE cleaning too!

My mom gave me a sign that says...pardon the mess, my kids are making memories!

It make me feel a little better about my house being a mess.

Suesan said...

You go, girl. I feel that carpet in dining rooms should be illegal. Rentals should not be allowed to have beige or lighter carpet, or must come equipped with a carpet cleaner.

My kids only ever let me have one clean room when they were little. Now that two are grown and on their own and I have two teenagers, my battles are different.

Cleaning sucks the joy out of life, but I do wish my mom would visit 2x a year. Then I'd be motivated to wipe down the baseboards and dust the tchotkes.

WhettenWild said...

yeah..YEAH......take that! I'm really getting sick of snotty comments from people. Kids included. Your house isn't messy either. I should know. I was there half the summer.

Nicki Rocky said...

If a child of mine made a comment like that to his hostess I'd skin him alive! How rude!

A healthy, happy family (including Mum) is MUCH more important than any cleaning and anyway your house always looks immaculate in you posts. Feed the kid chocolate laxative rice crispy cakes next time he comes round!

Nopinkertons said...

Exposure to dirt and germs builds strong immune systems. There have actually been studies about it. Ever wonder why the most germaphobic parents have the sickest kids? So next time you can tell him that if his parents keep a perfectly clean house, it's probably because they don't love him enough :-).

Anita @ GoingALittleCoastal said...

Oh how I feel sorry for his future wife.

I hate cleaning. I was taking blog pictures today when I noticed a wad of dog hair in the shot so I swept just in the area of my camera.

Halls Huddle said...

One of my children's friends told me just the other day that I had the dirtiest sink she'd ever seen. Ouch! It does hurt. I can totally relate. Do ya think I immediately cleaned it? I'm embarrassed to say I did. Why do we let these 5 year olds boss us around? Wish I coulda come up with a comeback too.

Dee said...

KICK HIM IN THE SHINS! Better yet, have me over to kick him in the shins. Then you won't have to deal with the backlash.

Dede said...

Wow, you're kidding! That's terrible (and slightly hilarious at the same time)!

Don't worry about it. I've been told that "if my kids could come home to a clean house, it'd be easier to do homework"...by my kid! :-) lol

jasi said...

i actually do say those things. so.. maybe you're just better off without my advice. but i do sympathize. ;)

justin and sherrie said...

My sister told me about your blog and you are freaking funny! Oh, that made my day. So I'll trade you, you can come fold the laundry that has been sitting in my dryer for 5 days and I'll come color the dirty spots on your carpet with a white marker. Problem solved!

Indiri said...

Kids are certainly not the most tactful of creatures. Anyway, I'm sure his house is just as imperfect, it's just in different ways that he hasn't noticed because he lives with it everyday. So ignore the snot nosed kid, I'm sure your house is lovely in all the right ways.

mab said...

We just moved into our house about 3 months ago.... which included cleaning out a storage unit of crap that didn't fit in our teency grad school family housing. So, our garage has about 30 boxes in it. Today our 8 year old neighbor came over while we were unpacking & sorting through it. "You know that show on TV called Hoarders? Yeah, it looks like that in here. Why don't y'all just STOP buying stuff?"

I think I'll print out your post and slip it in their mailbox. Do you think they'll know it came from the "Hoarders" next door?

Thanks for this post! I needed to laugh!

The Hammers said...

I.Love.You. I stalk your blog daily. Why? Because you talk the way I think. I, too, have a little neighbor boy that while I was babysitting (for free) said to me, "My mom's house is NEVER this messy. Why don't you just clean it?" Hmmm. Maybe because I'm busy planning a city easter egg hunt, or a city baseball league, or a city founder's day celebration, or running my kids to the 40,000,000 sports they do, or babysitting all my friends' kids so they can go out. Or, perhaps, it's because while I'm doing all of that I'm also playing with my kids on the front lawn, or taking them on a bike ride around the block, or doing anything but what I despise most...dishes, laundry, picking up the toys. 10.times.a.day. Yep, that's what I would have said if I'd have thought fast enough. Alas, all I said was, "Wow! You're lucky. Your mom has plenty of time to clean your house." Whew! Glad I finally got that off my chest! Thanks for listening. Love your blog. Wait, did I already say that? Now I just seem mushy.

Megan said...

word.

Lisa @ Shine Your Light said...

Hi-larious! And hi, the story of my life. Kids, dog, life.....it never stays clean. Whatever - I'd rather LIVE and not be anal about it all the time!

Taylor Family said...

Lol! This post made me laugh, now i know it couldn't had been my child who would had said that to you cause he comes from a "lived in" house also. Cours seems like all my neighbors around me have the hobby of cleaning. I had a similar experience, when a 3 year old takes a look at my front rooom, the cleanest room in the house, and says to me "why is your house a mess?" I proceed to ask him why he thought it was messy. He points to the basket of toys that i keep by the stairs filled with toys that are left downstairs, to take back up too the loft, some spots on my carpet and a few other small objects that are on the floor. Yea...not a good day for me, when a 3 yr old tells me my house is a mess.

Libby said...

My kid sister (age 7ish) had a friend who noticed that we changed our kitchen table and made some rude comment so I replied in a condescending voice "doesn't everyone have two kitchen tables?" (I was about 13ish)

My motto is "An immaculate home is the sign of a sick mind". and "We live in our house".
I tell people they can keep their shoes on because "we walk on our floors" (and really, if you're wearing white socks, they won't be for long).

Save some of those comments for the next time he shows up. Or just tell him point blank that making comments like that is rude and isn't done.

As usual "you go girl!"

Ann Marie | white house, black shutters said...

I'll never forget the day when my 5 year old niece (gotta love it) asked me "why is your house always so dirty?" I'm still a bit bruised by that one. But whatever, my dishes are done and yes maybe I have to mop the floor but my kids are happy, dang it! Can't tell you how much I loved this post. :)

Need me to go punch a kid? Or at least fling boogers into his hair?

Teri said...

Oooooh, what a little bugger...I'd be pissed. The caring side of me thinks that maybe that's how critical his mom is of him...but the pissed off side of me thinks he needs a good swift kick. I agree, Mandi: your house should look lived in. Mine looks like a whole zoo full of of shedding alpacas lives here, but that's another story.

camiluwho said...

You are my hero! Thanks for being you.