So, I stole my mom's cookbook.
Hey Mom! Um, I stole your cookbook about a year ago. . . .do ya need it?
It's an oldie from 1969.
It was back in the day when Betty still sported a bouffant,
and the beginnings of when fondue was the cat's meow and all your kitchen appliances were "light goldenrod".
if you know my mom, I want you to know that once. . . my mother baked something.
Oh Mom, I tease because I love you!
But seriously my mom feels like cooking is Satan's ultimate punishment.
But back to the stolen cookbook-
I "borrowed" (HUGE air quotes) it for recipes like cream puffs! and eclairs! and fondue! You know. Stuff I can't find in my boring 21st century book.
So. . . imagine my surpreese when I flipped through this little diddy,
and it reminded me of something.
Remember my love for Lileks books?
Lemme give ya a quick lowdown on the down-low: these books make fun of old cookbooks and the horrible food photography that lie within them. And they are a riot.
So what am I saying?
I'm saying my mom's cookbook has eerily similar pictures.
You know, like this cake topped with olives.
Or this platter that stares back at you.
Or, ya know,
like this roast of pig snout. Or something.
And you might be surprised to know that this recipe I like to call "Worms Writhing in Sand", is actually a dessert.
A delicious, delicious dessert for birds.
And you know, I really love pie.
But when a pie plate makes me subconsciously believe that I'll be picking fish bones out of my mouth,
I get a little sceered.
But I now realize that this is the golden age of food styling.
Like Citrus Cookies!
And holiday cheeseballs!
Man, people were funner back then!
Hey, wait. . .
Let's cook out of this thing! Don't ya think? Let's try a few recipes here 'n there! You know, when we're bored! Or when we really want our children to know how hard we try on a normal basis to cook something edible! Whichever comes first!
Yes! Lets! Maybe tomorrow it will be this cake that reminds me of the Millenium Falcon for some reason.
Also, I am a huge nerd.
And you just know, this being a 70's cookbook, that there must be an aspic prepared.
First up for today? Oh-ho. Yes. It has to be:
"PETALS 'N PICKLES"
Let's do this.
So, you know-- grill your canapès. And burn them while you take a picture.
AND FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY AND DECENT I WILL NOT DYE PROCESSED CHEESE PINK!
Nothing left to do but try 'em.
"Petals 'n Pickles". Wow. They taste about what you might expect.
But I have a pretty strong stomach.