Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Against All That Is Decent And Holy.

So, I stole my mom's cookbook.

Hey Mom! Um, I stole your cookbook about a year ago. . . .do ya need it?

It's an oldie from 1969.

It was back in the day when Betty still sported a bouffant,

and the beginnings of when fondue was the cat's meow and all your kitchen appliances were "light goldenrod".


Anywho,

if you know my mom, I want you to know that once. . . my mother baked something.

Oh Mom, I tease because I love you!

But seriously my mom feels like cooking is Satan's ultimate punishment.



But back to the stolen cookbook-

I "borrowed" (HUGE air quotes) it for recipes like cream puffs! and eclairs! and fondue! You know. Stuff I can't find in my boring 21st century book.


So. . . imagine my surpreese when I flipped through this little diddy,

and it reminded me of something.

Remember my love for Lileks books?

Lemme give ya a quick lowdown on the down-low: these books make fun of old cookbooks and the horrible food photography that lie within them. And they are a riot.

So what am I saying?

I'm saying my mom's cookbook has eerily similar pictures.

You know, like this cake topped with olives.

Or this platter that stares back at you.


Or, ya know,

like this roast of pig snout. Or something.

And you might be surprised to know that this recipe I like to call "Worms Writhing in Sand", is actually a dessert.

A delicious, delicious dessert for birds.

And you know, I really love pie.

But when a pie plate makes me subconsciously believe that I'll be picking fish bones out of my mouth,

I get a little sceered.

But I now realize that this is the golden age of food styling.
Like Citrus Cookies!


And holiday cheeseballs!

Man, people were funner back then!

Hey, wait. . .

Let's cook out of this thing! Don't ya think? Let's try a few recipes here 'n there! You know, when we're bored! Or when we really want our children to know how hard we try on a normal basis to cook something edible! Whichever comes first!

Yes! Lets! Maybe tomorrow it will be this cake that reminds me of the Millenium Falcon for some reason.

Also, I am a huge nerd.

And you just know, this being a 70's cookbook, that there must be an aspic prepared.

("An 'as'-what??")

First up for today? Oh-ho. Yes. It has to be:

"PETALS 'N PICKLES"



Let's do this.

So, you know-- grill your canap├Ęs. And burn them while you take a picture.


AND FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY AND DECENT I WILL NOT DYE PROCESSED CHEESE PINK!


Nothing left to do but try 'em.

"Petals 'n Pickles". Wow. They taste about what you might expect.

But I have a pretty strong stomach.

27 comments:

Dave'sWife@{thediaryofdaveswife} said...

I am laughing so hard, that Iam crying after reading this. I can't believe you actually made the "petals and pickles" let alone had the ingredients on hand! Thanks for the late night entertainment! ♥ DavesWife

Amanda said...

I haven't laughed this hard in a long time! Thanks! I grew up with this same cookbook. So many familiar photos.

muzzmuzz said...

I LOVE THIS BLOG!! I find myself in daily need of a good belly laugh and GF you da bomb!! Keep em coming.

Megan @ Apple House Revival said...

I really can't believe you 1. went to that much effort just to entertain us (you're awesome) and 2. actually ate that. :/

Samantha said...

Oh my word my tummy hurts! Whether it's cos I'm laughing so much or if it's sympathy pains for what you've eaten, I'm totally not sure.

Also, why is it that Betty Crocker looks younger in 1996 than she does in 1955? Surely it can't ALL be about the hairdo?

Trina Rae said...

YOU. ARE. HILARIOUS. :o)

COTTAG3 said...

Oh my gosh, that's hysterical and that recipe with pickles looks gross but I mean that in the nicest way. I think my mom had that cookbook or a version of it. Thankfully we did not have light goldenrod appliances. No way. We had avocado green appliances that matched the avocado green laminate countertops in our custom built new home in the suburbs. Gotta love the 70s.

Janelle said...

I think my kids would eat petals and pickles. sad huh?

my favorite quote? "They taste about what you might expect"

Shirley said...

You know, I just started working out again, and it really, really hurts to belly laugh right now. Not fair of you AT ALL!!!! Just so ya know, I love pickles. And Cheese. Ok, maybe not together on a sandwich....

Tracy's Trinkets and Treasures said...

So I have been exercising, but I don't diet and I think I need to. I have found the new diet plan that I think will really work. When I feel a hunger pain I will just pull out an old Betty Crocker cookbook and look at the recipes until I lose my appetite. :) That was fun looking through the book with you.

Pressed Petals said...

hahahaha! i have to go look through our old cookbooks! you know i looked at our library and bookstore for those Lileks books. no one had them. i guess i need to check out your link.

on another note, thanks for offering to send us a postcard. no one from utah has offered, so you're it! thanks! did i ever send you my home address?

Suzanne@Meridian Road said...

I was late today because I just had to read this whole post! It was so worth it! Can you please (pretty please?) make Worms Writhing In Sand next??

I have an old cookbook that came with a presto pressure cooker. It's from the 40's and nearly every recipe calls for lard. Yum.

Emily said...

Those pictures are hilarious! It just proves that the 60's were just plain awesome!

Neckmeat said...

LMFAO I love the pickles & petals!! :) But I can't believe you tried it. GROSSS.

Spencer & Lorilyn Crum said...

OMG my Mom TOTALLY has this same book too!

Ever tried pickles and cream cheese rolled up in ham? Taaasstttyyyyy.

Lisa @ Shine Your Light said...

I'm dying!!! You really made those??? I think you need to have a back to the 70s party and serve all those things in that crazy cookbook!!

WhettenWild said...

Hey, I think we made those citrus cookies once. LOL. It was a really boring Sunday afternoon.........

Aleks said...

oh lord!
i cant believe you ate those.
i cant believe someone dies cheese pink.
i cant believe how awesome this post was/is.

Mommy-o said...

So that is where my cookbook went, I have really missed making Petals n Pickles!

What's next said...

I did a post about my mom's better crocker cook book too! wish we could have fancy 50's dinner parties...
http://whatsnextgirls.blogspot.com/2011/07/my-mothers-cookbook.html

Jen said...

EW! Nuff said. =)

Oh, wait, are you pregnant? WHY would you make that and eat it just to entertain us? Oh, well, I guess you're just awesome like that!

Jessica said...

My mom has this same cookbook. Did you find the recipe in the front for Monkey Brain? Seriously. Look it up.

And for the cheeseball, we actually really like and still use one of the recipes from that book. It's pretty basic though- no crazy flavorings.

Dede said...

Oh my gosh, I am rolling on the floor...well I was. Now I'm wiping laughter tears off my face to type this message to you. You've made my night.

Halls Huddle said...

You're the best, Mandi. Thanks for the laugh tonight. I needed that!

Rebecca D said...

I am laughing so hard I'm crying right now... I needed that... Thanks. My grandmother used to make aspic... Nothing is grosser then "jello meat"... NOTHING!!! She had these copper molds hanging on her kitchen wall that usually only came down for such food crimes as this... The "fish" shaped one scared me... I was always afraid it would be fish flavored aspic... When she passed away and we were cleaning out her kitchen my aunt found no less then 29 boxes of knox gelitin... Ahhh, the aspic feasts she must have had planned!
Please for the love of all that is holy tell me you didn't really eat that pickle nastiness??

Teri said...

Bahahaha! "Petals and Pickles". Reminds me of "nuts and gum, together at last."

Jennifer said...

My mom had the exact same cookbook. I wish I stole it from her when I moved out. BTW, those citrus cookies? Awesome.