Sunday, May 22, 2016

What The He$$ Have We Done, Part 1.

You know,

when the Jeffro first talked about putting in a pond, I thought he meant one that was like, this big (Imagine me holding out my arms in a big circle.) 

I didn't think he meant a massive, 3+ foot deep, we-need-to-rent-a-mini-excavator-to-get-the-job-done, type pond. 

I josh not when I say that I've spent my life working in the yard the past month, nay, it's been two months now, working in my yard.

Sorry neighbors for any unintentional saggy pants I sported during this time.  It happens. I don't mean it to, but it does. 

It dawned on me the other day, when I was hauling my 100th bag of soil/manure/mulch out of the car:

I'm a farmgirl. But let's go with "farmboy", because that's more fun. So I'm saying to myself, 

"Farmboy, polish my horse's saddle. Want to see my face shining in it by morning."

"Farmboy, fetch me that pitcher?" (The one that's right above my head within arm's reach but I'm too lazy and prefer you to be in kissing distance? That one?)

So I'm a farmboy/girl. 


Let me tell you how this project has snowballed. It starts with the digging of a monstrous hole in the ground with said mini excavator,

And then things got really exciting and spicy. We found the phone line! The one that wasn't marked by Blue Stake! Gosh, that was fun. 
Jeffro and I will be in our rocking chairs on the porch staring at this pond (oh, by the way, the official name for the pond is "the da$% pond". Let's go with that from now on. We certainly do.), anyways-- Jeffro and I will be rocking along in our chairs, staring at the da$% pond, and we'll be 80 years old and we'll be like, 

"Remember when we dug up that there phone line? What a hoot."

Because you give everything 20+ years and just about everything that doesn't involve death or dismemberment is a hoot. 

So then,

poor little farmgirl me is left with is a massive mountain of dirt in my yard. Massive. This shall never disperse, mountain. Daunting mountain. Brokeback Mountain.

 And what does one do with a massive amount of dirt in the yard that must be moved in order to not kill the grass? (Plus I cannot even deal with leaving projects undone?)

(The mountain was bigger than this. He wasn't done yet in this picture. I exaggerate a lot, but on this I'm not pinky swear)

You take this backyard you just pushed forward and fenced in, 

and you make the flower beds you've seriously considered putting in all along the fence line, and dang it, you make it happen! Shovel after shovel and wheelbarrow after wheelbarrow-- it happens, dang it. 'Cause the grass don't grow well there anyway, and it's ugly, and it shouldn't be.

And my back ached when I would sleep for weeks and I would dream of shoveling and dumping and SHOVELING AND DUMPING and my hands have new calluses and my fingers look permanently dirty despite the use of work gloves, and I'm probably in the best upper body shape of my life because I'M A FARMGIRL, HERE.

Everything went by the wayside-- my house looks like crap, my nails look like crap, the house is a mess Jack, the kids are a mess Jack, you're a mess Jack. . .

(gosh I love that movie.)

But here we are.

Perhaps you're wondering,

"One small row of flower beds took you that long?"

1. Don't you judge me.
2. I had more dirt. Much more dirt. Thus, the front yard got involved too but let's chit chat about that over donuts next time.
3. Don't you judge me. You don't know! You weren't there! 

Meanwhile, the Da$% Pond:

 Shaping of the da$% pond is done. Plumbing is set. Supplies are purchased--

but there's a kink in the pond liner plans. But I can't go there yet. It's too soon.  The Jeffro is like, 

"If we could go back and decide on this again, would we move forward?"

Do you mean do the actual work again?? All over again??  Do you wanna keep your wife?  


Gigi said...

I don't judge - I know how much time those types of projects take. It looks really good!

Lori said...

Poofing the pillows can give you some tips. They just finished their pond project. It will be worth it.

Ashley said...

What kind of borders do you have along the flowerbeds, and where did you purchase them?

Rach said...

It looks gorgeous. You did a really good job! A friend of mine just did her yard almost exactly like yours...and hired out...$9k. So I hope your work is appreciated! ; )

Meg said...

You have children. AKA: free labor. My parents wanted a pond so the whole family dug it over the course of a week or so in August.

I'm saying it could be way worse, BUT in the end ponds are incredibly relaxing and after 2-3 years your landscaping around it will look all natural and fancy. Then when you need to do major updates - sell the house!

Layne Bushell said...

As one who saw you work days on end, sun up to sun down, who would judge. You knocked that project out in no time... I'd still be working. You are amazingly talented and the most hard working person I know!

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