Most of this is straight from my journal. It's long. It's personal. Thanks for reading.
It's been about a year since I started picking up on some personal blogging issues--
it kind of more came out in comments.
-I said to a close friend a few months back:
"I feel guilty when I'm not spending some time every day in my garage working."
-My husband teased me that I was a "busy-body". It's true. But I've never been one before, and for some reason I felt troubled.
-Char posted about "Quitting The Business Of Blogging" for the sake of her and her family. I cheered her on. And then, I imagined myself quitting blogging, and much to my surprise, I felt. . . relieved.
-Not only was I surprised by my reaction, but I was sad. And then, I began a serious contemplation of quitting blogging alltogether.
Why I Started
I've blogged for 4 years. That's like, Jurassic Era for most blogs. And allllll that time until the last while, I've absolutely loved it.
Do you know what I wanted to do with this blog?
All I really wanted was to provide 30 seconds of mild entertainment. That's it.
So Where Did I Go Wrong?
I started imagining these imaginary people that expected me to bust out a project every other day. People. Imaginary. Expectations.
I started feeling pressure to produce crap. Every other day, I'd better come up with a project, or these imaginary people would be disappointed.
Imaginary people would stop reading me if they thought I was slacking in my project duties.
I started trying to please imaginary people, and only big (ish) projects were acceptable.
(you know, big, like train-wreck built-in beds, big)
Imaginary people are fun-suckers.
You Know What I Love?
There are so many things I love in life-- and lately only one of those things (projects) makes this blog.
You know what I love? I love to read. Know how many books I've read in the last year due to my busy-bodyness? A total of 2.
I love music. I love photography. I love eating and cooking and eating and I love mommyhood. I used to love to crapt. I don't even crapt anymore. I love all those awesome hairdo's that pop up on pinterest. I love summer. I love lemonade stands and kids and rollerskates. I love vacations. I love the crazy crap my kids say. I love childhood. I love dessert. I love snapping pictures of all things related to the above.
And you know what? Maybe I want to cook nasty crap out of my mom's old cookbook again. Just for the H of it.
I want to make an Aspic, people. (An "as-what?")
I Used To
-I used to be excited about projects just because.
-I used to love to blog just because. I wasn't worried about pleasing people. I didn't care if I had 1 reader or 5.
I don't get paid for this. This is one of my most favoritestest hobbies, until I took a wrong turn somewhere.
You know what I want?
-I want to blog again for all the fun reasons. The reasons I used to.
-I want excitement to flow from ideas.
-I want balance.
-I want to be able to take a month on one project and not worry about what imaginary people might think on my slooooow production.
-I want my Saturday's back. They are insane. They're filled with both mine and my hubby's 100 projects that can't possibly be done in a day.
-I want to bring sexy back. Er, my mojo back. I want to enjoy what I'm doing for me, and not for imaginary people.
-I want to spend my summer focused on my kids. No guilt -- maybe I'll build crap, and maybe I won't.
-I want to blog when I want to, and what I want to. No timetable, no imaginary people.
To the readers I'll surely lose:
My apologies for my missteps. My apologies for any confusion that I might be a project machine.
So, I'm taking a small bloggy break. Gonna recoup. Regroup. Get my groove back. I'm bringing sexy back.
Thanks for listening.