Friday, August 26, 2011

Heads Are Gonna Roll.

I've only beaten the dead horse, buried it, and then dug it back up to beat it again,

but you know we loved our summer. HOWEVER,

A couple things have been a bit of a downer. You know, the one blemish to an otherwise awesome time. The perfect nectarine covered with ants.

The pimple right square on your nose. The floating hair in your soup. The not-a-Baby-Ruth in the pool.

And so forth.

See, you're not gonna remember that long, long ago, I mentioned that our house is a tweenage hangout.

It's really not been bad lately, actually. But then we noticed something:

I love my solar lights. Or I should say loved-duh. Those little punksuckers? They took almost every single one of my solar lights and bashed them into pieces.

Yep. One night of "fun" stupidity, and I'm out $50 and about 8 lights. How do I know it was them? I don't, really. Although that night they stuffed one of their shirts in my mailbox so I guess I can put two and two together, right?

So maybe you're thinking, what's the big deal?


I can't help it; I do. I wanted answers. I wanted to bust some heads. The hubs had to restrain me from asking anyone under the age of 18 who did it and what did they know about it.

I felt like sitting out on the porch with my rocking chair, and if any funny business started, you know I'd be yelling,

"Hey! I have a shotgun and shovel! I doubt anyone would miss you!"

Maybe cock it and shoot into the air for effect. Still think pointless destruction is fun, kids?

So. The other minor headache? The scabby bandaid on the backside of my steak? The skid mark on the otherwise white undies?

You know how we finished up our basement at the beginning of summer.

This TV? It's 64''. And it cost. . . you know, I don't want to talk about how much it cost. The hubs had to full out fight me for it. I didn't want to drop that kind of dough on something like that.

So imagine my surpreese when our tv, less than 90 days old, suddenly stopped working, and I went to investigate, only to find this crack up the center.

Let's just say I got hysterical right then and there.

Let's also say that it happened on the hubs birthday. I called him from work to tell him. In my hysterical crying.

"Hi hon . .. are you busy?"

"What's the matter??"

"The TV. ... it's. ... BROKEN. . . WAAAAAA".

Happy birthday hon, your prized, new tv is broken.

Did I mention my nailgun broke? How about my blender? Why does lots of stuff always break at once? And more importantly,

who wants to go after those kids with me with pitchforks??


Ashley S. said...

please tell me the tv was covered under warranty? if not... i am crying for you!

any idea how it happened?

I Am Momma - Hear Me Roar said...

Oh Mandi! I'm outraged for you. The lights and the TV? Ah! We had a string of broken stuff lately too. Each was an expensive repair and it makes me cringe. I'm screaming for you. So sorry Mandi!

Let's buy new solar lights and we can wear camouflage and hide in your bushes and go nutso when they come back to do it again. Huh? You just say the word and I'm there :)


Anita @ GoingALittleCoastal said...

Oh I'm grabbing my pitchfork right now! That just pisses me off. What punks. I was always telling my own teens to not cut through other peoples yards, keep out of their space, it just irks me. So I would have been all over them to move along.

The tv crack pains me too look at it. I hope you are under warranty. It wasn't a random flying nail from your gun was it?

Marilyn said...

Okay, so, I have no comment on the TV, except that, um, you could put plexiglass in front of the next one. You're a builder! Build a wall of protection!

But, the kids! THE KIDS! Yes yes. I have many ideas. The first is to make big nasty signs. Seriously, it should freak them out.



Bluff. Lie. And set up a couple of automatic sprinklers. Motion activated. Set them near the wall. Second problem solved.

So step 1. Scare them.

Step 2, Piss them off.

Tracy's Trinkets and Treasures said...

Oh dang. What are you going to do about the tv? IF those teens show up anytime soon I pity them! We just bought a 55" Panasonic Plasma tv so I can only imagine the cost of the 64". Mine better not break anytime soon. I hope things start going your way!

alamama said...

ouch! we have had those seasons where everything was breaking. i feel for ya. i can't believe all of those ants! good luck with the tweens. oh, my post that disappeared it's back up. blogger posted it before it's time.

Janelle said...

High school starts monday. MAYBE that will keep them busy. Oh... what am I thinking... it won't. Get a real or fake security camera and put up signs telling them that you have one.

I am also wondering if you should call the police just so you can let them know that stuff is happening and maybe they will do some extra drive-bys. At least there would be some kind of record of stuff happening.

Heidi@TheCraftMonkey said...

I've got my pitch fork, and my shot gun! And if I had a nail gun, I'd totally loan it to you, cause I know you are probably going through rolling on the ground, crying, picking at your skin kind of withdrawls!

Spencer & Lorilyn Crum said...

I would say buy a paintball gun, but I could see that quickly esculating into an all out war. Stupid punks, I'm sorry they did that. Just find out a way to booby trap your yard, like with poison ivy or itching powder. Of course I could see that backfiring. Shotgun seems the only logical choice. That and prayers they be smite by lightning.

Rhiannon said...

I would go for the rocking chair option personally. Though on the plus side I just heard you're a 'star'! Congrats!

WhettenWild said...

UGH the TV. That was so yucky!!

I'm in for hunting down those like snot-nosed brats.............LOL

Ruth H. said...

I have a PERFECT solution for you. You need to get a minor electric current going through that fence. Zap the kids a couple of times, and they'll think twice about going near it. Or, on the completely other hand, you could kill them with kindness. Make a point of being outside every day for a week when they are walking past. Wave, go right up to the fence, and be super friendly (and nosy). Ask who's dating who, ask them if your jeans look like mom jeans, talk their ears off, pass out healthy treats like apples and pies made with crusts of grape nuts. I guarantee that after a week of that, they'll find a new route that doesn't go anywhere near your house.

Dara said...

Oh Mandi, I am so sorry and I do NOT miss those days. Now when I lived in that house we did not have the kinds of problems you had...I did however have a punk ass chump place a black garbage bag over himself, had his buddy ring the door bell and when I opened the door he jumped out at me. That is when I let my Rott who was a good 98 lbs out the door. It is also when I let out the 78 lb pit bull to help the rotti..... Those chumps never came back. Also, when it was "THAT" time of day, I made sure I let the dogs out back...kept the punks moving. And I would be lying if I said I never took out my video cam, took some footage and called the police once.... Get out your shotgun and or pitch fork and let 'em lil suckers know who is boss around those parts....and no, I am not kidding. I will even come sit with ya! Better yet, follow them and tell their parents they are doing a crappy job and to actually know what their punks are up too..... have I said too much? Oh and sorry about the TV..that SUCKS!

Emily said...

Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry about your TV! I hope it's still under warranty and you can get it fixed. I would totally be crying too!

I have a pitchfork and am willing to use it. What a bunch of punks!

Indiri said...

Hopefully going back to school will help keep them busy. Every time school break starts around here we get stupid crap like that (this time it's car windows and BB guns). I like the idea of killing them with kindness and annoying the crap out of them. Could be fun! Or, you could just install spikes on top of the brick fence...

Veronica said...

As a teacher of inner-city teenage gang punks, my best advice is to make your presence known. If you're out there often and aren't afraid of speaking up, they will avoid going your way or allow you to build some rapport to where they will stop random destruction. Second thought-- blow up that picture of them in your yard and put it out there for everyone to see. Maybe their parents will drive by, see it, and start to ask some questions.

Dede said...

Oh my gosh, tell me you are KIDDING.

If it were affordable, I'd totally second the electric fence idea!! Or you could personally booby trap the area.

gina3 said...

I'm with Marilyn and Veronica who already commented. I was about to say what they said. You need to scare these tweenagers now so they are not breaking car windows and more serious stuff when they are older. I would contact the police (not 911) and make an incident report. If you have a friend who is a police officer, maybe they can stop by when those kids are out and you can tell him what happened while the kids listen. Make a flyer and give it to neighbors. If you do nothing, they'll do it again thinking you're an easy mark. Please post about whatever you do. I want to see it.

Layne Bushell said...

I think you have put up with the tweenagers LONG enough...I'd walk up the street and have a convo with the parent...might not do any good, but at least you let him/her know you're mad as #$%&....oh and the tv....i'd cry too...was it a kiddo that cracked it? or a defect? I'm so sorry...totally stinks all the way around.

KellyMac said...

Could you spray vinegar or some nasty deer repellant along your fence for a few days? Not fun for you...but maybe it would do the trick. (And maybe a balloon or two of repellent could come flying at them from an unidentified window...)

Hope they move along! Would love to know how it turns out!

Hayley said...

I'll go with you. That kind of stuff makes me MAD. Once somebody bashed my mail box. I wanted to resolve the issue by putting a new mailbox inside a bigger mailbox. Then I planned to pour concrete in between them. That way, next time they came by with a baseball bat, they'd break their little teenage arm. Was that a little rough? Well, I didn't do it. As it turns out that kind of revenge is grounds for getting sued. So, I said all that to say, I don't blame you a bit for wanting revenge. Good luck. Hope nobody gets hurt.

Allison B said...

We had our solar lights taken from our yard and smashed in the street right in front of our house, and let me tell you I was livid! The worst part, our neighbor saw the lights jumping out of the ground (it was around 1am and our street is very dark), and I actually heard them but couldn't run outside fast enough to catch them. Totally can sympathise with you on that one!

My name is Ali... said...

I just started following you from Sew Dang Cute Crafts and the CWTStars...ok, you are hilarious!!! I can't wait to see what you do and all the posts...gonna go catch up with the past.

I'm a high school PE teacher, I'd be happy to help take some of my frustration out on those punk kids with you :) I got ur back girl! LOL!


Unknown said...


troy said...

I just found your blog from Mandi at Vintage Revivals. You are hilarious! I'm exctied to have found a funny DIY blog!!!

ps- i just changed your followers from 859 to 860. Odd numbers bug me. You're welcome :)

Rach H

pss- i would have followed you anyway!

Lisa said...

I'm coming over to hide in your bushes with you and wait for the punks to return! Buggers.
So sorry about your TV!!! I am seriously traumatized on your behalf!

Dee said...

I read this and instantly thought- "Listen up, you little spazoids. I know where you live and I've seen where you sleep. I swear to everything holy that your mothers will cry when they see what I've done to you."
Because I'm just that kind of girl.

dena4kids said...

I have found that it is better to give the hubs some cooling off time, or he might kill the kids before you can. I feel ya on the TV man! How did they break yours? Was it a wii remote, and a angry kids named Noah? Oh wait that was mine. It sucks!!!

Libby said...

I'm with Ruth & Veronica, make a connection with them. It is hard to vandalize someone you know (ok, the chances are higher they won't do anything). The presence is a good thing...just saying "hi" every time you see them...or even asking if they know who broke the lights. String a lie and say your kids are upset over it.

Unfortunately I think that if something bounced off the TV, warranty doesn't cover the crack.

Hate it when stuff all goes at the same time. It's like the inanimate objects conspire against us.

Ann Marie | white house, black shutters said...

I feel that the older I get, the more I get like an old man and it's coming on pretty quicky. A conspiracy theory loving, fist shaking, talk radio listening, whippersnapper hating old man.

Show those punks who's boss. In a way that won't get your house egged and garden trampled. I know you've got an idea just waiting to come out and I can't wait to see a post...

*hugs* on the tv, I want to cry :(

Leslie@leserleeslovesandhobbies said...

I'll help with your neighbors if you help with mine ;)

As a side note, two years ago I saw solar lights at Target discounted to seventy-five cents each. Or maybe a dollar. It was two years ago. Give me a break, okay? I bought some for my neighbor because one of our punk neighbor kids (a 5 year old) broke them. And no, the child wasn't mine. It was a kid from across the street.

Teri said...

Ok, you're never going to believe this...but the local hooligans ruined MY solar lights, too! We came back from vacation to find the stake-parts missing on three of them, with just the lights left. Like, WTF mate? I felt the same way - violated. And pissed off that there are people out there who will do that. Blargh. Now I'm mad again.

Sorry about your TV and your blender and your nail gun, yo.