Thursday, July 19, 2012

Famous Last Words.

"This is going to be soooo easy."

Every time I say that, I'd like to kick my own A. 

See these tents?

Just had to build one of these for the boys this summer. 'Cause it would be "so easy". And it would take me, like, "15 minutes". And the plans are easy.

'Cept they're not.   But they totally are.  And yet, they're not.  You know how many super "easy" projects I have started in my gay-rage that end up being a pain in my rear?  I don't want to talk about it.

How do I put this?

Not to go on a tangent er anything, but perhaps your hubs is like my hubs.  And perhaps, when you're putting together anything that requires tools and a paper of instructions, things get ugly. 

"These are the STUPIDEST INSTRUCTIONS EVER!"
"WHO TOOK OFF WITH THE SCREWDRIVER?"
"WHOEVER WROTE THIS IS AN IDIOT!"

And so forth.  It doesn't matter the size of the project (a bike? small shelves?  It mattereth not).  The instructions were written by a moron.  ("Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?  Morons.")

At one point, we had this dealy-o going, where anything that needed to be put together, had to be done when the children were asleep.  Minimize the trauma 'n all.

This tent debacle was pretty similar.



You find yourself going "oh. . . no problem-o. . ." as you're tightening the bolts.  You think you'll be done in 5.  Then the tent, which you did prop up, falls on your head.  And it doesn't tickle.

So you set it back up.  Prop it a little better.  And it still bashes you in the head, because, you know, you're focused on tightening bolts. 
15 minutes after you're supposed to be all done, frolicking in this tent with your kids, sipping lemonade and making sweet memories (said in my most annoying mom voice ever), you've gone psycho.  You're like Clark on Christmas Vacation, and he's beating the crap out of his light-up Santa and reindeer.  And it's you, screaming "What the. . ." twisting your "easy" tent back into place, tightening the bolts for the upteenth time.

And then, your kids are like, "Mom, can I ask you a question?"

And you're like, "It depends.  Do you want your head ripped off?"

And they're like, "Huh?"

And you're like, "I SAID, 'DO YOU WANT YOUR HEAD RIPPED OFF?'  WELL, DO YA?"



And then you realize, that not only are you super frustrated, but you're also very hangry.
(Hangry, [han-gree] adj: A state of anger and irritability resulting from being hungry.)

So things are pretty much set to code red, at this point.  People are backing away slowly-- not making eye contact, that sort of thing.

And you know deep inside, that what you really need to do, is walk away from this project.  Eat a good, full meal.  Come back to it in a few hours when you're feeling fresh and sane.  But you are soooo past that. 

Because this "easy!" tent has knocked your head so many times, and taken a good portion of your afternoon, and it is going to get done, or it's going in your backseat for a one way stop, wrapped in a tarp, and you're bringing a shovel.



Not that I've done that before.

And then you're like, "KIDS!  Get out here!  Enjoy this tent I just mangled together!"

And your kids are like, "Okay-- later.  We're playing Playstation."



And you're like, "NO. NOW!  AND YOU'LL LIKE IT!"

And then you're kids look like this:



("Someone throw her a piece of licorice or something. . .")

I'm not saying don't build this tent.  Just have a good meal, first.  Maybe get a helper to hold up your tent for you.  Maybe the helper could be your therapist.

17 comments:

Bethany @ A Fish Who Likes Flowers said...

OMG this post sounds like most of my projects!!! I love that look you were getting in that last shot by the way. But I love the end result, very cool!

Libby said...

ohhh I so know how that is...I have a "play" tee-pee that is rolled up in a ball with other fabric because I can't figure out how they expect it to hold the sticks/pvc pipes together at the top! It is a sewing issue. I hate it when patterns don't fit themselves.

Your's turned out pretty nifty though. Looks easy enough (says the lady who thought making a tee-pee was "easy enough" two years ago).

The kid's will love it. And not just because Mom's DNA is embedded into the wood either.

jtatiana21 said...

you’re so funny

Lisa at Shine Your Light said...

Ohhh no. Not the project that looks like it's so easy and then you find yourself wanting to chuck a 2x4 across the yard at your husband (not that I would know anything about that!) It came out great and I hope your kiddos end up hanging out in there eating their peanut butter and fluffs and whatnot! I want one!

Rebecca D said...

When Katy was little we saw this teepee in a toy store that was like $150 or some such non-sence... Paul and I decided it looked easy enough to make our own... We pretended to be "playing" with Katy around the teepee while I took pictures... Easy project you ask? Well, lets just say your tent story brought up that dark memory, that I'd surpressed... She played with it two or theee time max, and only because she had friends over who wanted to set it up! Which is my really long way of saying... I feel your pain!!

Janice said...

That made me laugh hard. Especially "hangry". That word is so going into my daily vocab. Until this moment, I didn't realize it, but I've been looking for that word.

Back when hubby and I were younger a 300 year old little man at a park we were at gave us a little sermon about how if the world was just well fed, then absolute peace would follow. He seemed to believe that no one had ever done anything out of anger with a full stomach. And ever since then I've thought he might have been on to something...

Jean @ www.thebackyardbungalow.com said...

Just when I think you can't get any funnier...there's this! I vow to never be hangry again!

Laney Davis said...

okay, this is driving me CRAZY...! when you say gay-rage...are u saying it gay-RAGE, like when you say RAGE=mad/angry...? or gay-RAHG, like when you say AHHHH...?
lemme know asap...!
thanksh, kerry

Mandi@TidbitsfromtheTremaynes said...

Dearest Laney,

I say it gay-RAHG, like when you say AHHHH. I'm so glad we could clear this up.

Emily said...

I saw tents like these in Seattle, and we thought we could totally make one. - maybe not. Your tent turned out cute! If I decide to try it, will you be my therapist?

Lori said...

So funny! My son begged and begged and begged for a snuggie. I slaved all day making one from scratch (no way I was going to buy one when I had THAT MUCH fleece on hand)... it didn't come with socks like the one on the commercial. He never uses it. Little turd!

Teri said...

Your poor head!!

meganwiser said...

Thanks so much Mandi. My day sucked (my only day off in ten days and I was called in at 4am... uhg), and this post made me seriously laugh out loud. Which made my kids laugh. Which ended the night on a laughing note :)

Amy said...

This is hilarious! I've been thinking of building a similar tent. I'll consider myself forewarned :)

Deanna said...

I am dying over here!! Just started reading your blog about a month ago. And I totally made a tent similar to this for my kids for Christmas (3 boys should love it, right?!?!?!? RIGHT!?).

Had the same *tipping over* issues and frustration. LOL!

Only we used 4 2x2's with 1 inch holes (did you know a 2x2 is NOT 2x2?? of course you did!) at the top and bottom, with a 7/8" x4' dowels through the top and bottom. Completely come's apart to put away easily, but is a PAIN IN THE BUTT to keep together while playing and avoiding the tipping over issue. LOL!

Anyways, I sympathize with you and idolize your mad wood-working skills. :) Thanks for the entertainment!!!

~Deanna

Heather said...

I TOTALLY laughed my way through most of this entire post! I cry when I am REALLY laughing hard, so I've got tears streaming down my face right now! Thanks for the memories and the laughs... and if I ever get up enough courage to make this *freaking* tent, I'll most certainly look up this 'how to not make a tent' post! By the way, I'm here by way of AGAAGG... she REALLY LIKES YOU!

Hippymom83 said...

OMG! Just read this old post for the first time and it sounds JUST LIKE EVERY PROJECT I'VE EVER TACKLED!!! Because I never fail to SCREW IT UP!!! :) I'm the queen of putting in the LAST BOLT {or screw or whatever} and then realizing that I LEFT OUT a very important part! And now have to TAKE OUT all the screws to DO IT RIGHT!!!! AAARRRRGGGHHH!
I'm so glad to know there's another human out there who occasionally can relate to my level of aggravation. :)