Thursday, May 30, 2013

Paging a Hugh Jass. A Mr. Hugh Jass.

This is my bum.
 

In my new blue mirror/door.

This is my bum in khakis.


This is my bum in my yoga pants.


Now.  Why am I showing you my bum? 

Because I've gone insane.  But besides that,

allow me to let you in on my youngest children's comments over the last two months.

Johnny:
(yes.  I named my son Johnny Tremayne.  That might not mean anything to you, but it might.  And if it does, do you think we are crazy?)

sorry.  Johnny, who climbed into my bed and rested his head on my hip:

"Mom?  Why is your bum so big?"

Mckenna:

"Mom, you're a big girl, huh?  That's why your butt is so big."

Johnny:

"Mom, I like you because your bum's so big. That's because I like big things."

Now,

if I knew they were yanking my chain just to get a reaction out of me, that'd be one thing.  If I didn't know they were being totally and completely sincere,

well, then I wouldn't have this complex I'm having right now.

And then I ask the hubs about it and tell him what his darned kids said (they're "his" kids when they're bad, see.), and he just laughs and laughs.

And then I posted this picture couple weeks back,


and I was like, "Whoaaaaa there, sister!  Don't back that thing up." 

I had no idea I was that wide in the behind.

So now I really have a complex about it.

Don't say it. Don't you say it.

"I like big butts and I cannot lie."

You said it.


I know what I said a month back-- all that about how I was sick of hating my body and I wasn't gonna do that anymore-- I know what I said, okay? I KNOW.

I'm getting there.  It's a process.


(this is my rear in a skirt.)

So,

I had to know if it was like an orange on two toothpicks.  Or like sputnik.  Or if it needed its own weather system.


Or if it's a ginormous shelf that you could set your books on.  Or if I needed to purchase two extra seats on my next flight. 

Okay.  It's out of my system.  I won't talk about my derriere anymore.

My kids are jerks.
 

40 comments:

Kathy @ Creative Home Expressions said...

What bum? You got nothing going on back there girlie! I had no bum until we moved to Ohio from New York, and didn't have all the stairs to climb anymore from work or our old house. Apparently, that was my daily exercise without even knowing it. Oh well, I'm working on it. Now, you can see it on Google Earth. It's going to be given its own street name soon. I knew I was in trouble when my sister-in-law came to visit over Christmas/New Year's and told me I "finally filled out". That's the nice way of saying "so, you put on some weight then?".

Samantha said...

You are joking, right? You need to get some padding in there....there's nothing in the bum area of your jeans for definite!! Maybe you lost 5 lbs in front of the camera?

Suesan Kennard said...

You have what we like to call a Tiny Hiney. While I wouldn't call your kids jerks (only you get to do that) I would say that they have a skewed perception of big. For most kids, if it's bigger than them its BIG.

Sorry. I think it's time for a new body issue.

kkasun said...

If your kids' think you ahve a big ass, I do not want them to meet me!!!
I just love your hair!~

Elisha Albretsen @ Pneumatic Addict Furniture said...

I'm really not just saying this to be nice, but your butt IS NOT BIG! You're jeans are even baggy in the seat. You just have curves like any beautiful woman does. Maybe that's what they mean? You're not straight up and down like a kid.

M Mommy to 4 said...

Well, keep in mind your kids are children and their butts are the sizes of apples, approximately! Anything bigger than that is a big butt! And if you have a big butt, I certainly don't want to know what mine looks like. Also, let them know that they BETTER love your big butt, cuz chances are, it's THEIR fault! Mommies have bigger bums (hips really, but kids don't know the difference) just to squeeze those dang kids out! And I LOVE that you named your kid Johnny Tremayne! I still remember reading that book in 6th grade!

Lisa @ Shine Your Light said...

Those quotes from your munchkins are so awesome!!! (particularly because of the smallness of your butt!) I must have told my mom that she had a big butt when I was a kid, because the other day she told me my toes look like little sausages. YES she did!!! And she never says anything remotely unkind. Whats with the perspective and the lack of filter from mother/children??? PS I'm telling you in the most matter of fact, platonic way ever, you have a great butt!!!!

Lisa @ Shine Your Light said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lauras Crafty Life said...

Your kids don't know what they are talking about. Your butt is tiny. Just to cause you more embarrassment about the whole thing I even asked my husband. He says your butt is tiny too! :) Kids say the silliest things.

Mallory said...

You have no butt! Your kids are just crazy.

Also, Kathy, someone said that to me once. The euphemism wasn't lost on me, either!

Karen Jerread said...

You do not have a big butt/bum. As for your hips, they are balanced with your shoulders and many of us would give our eye teeth to have that shape.

Rebecca said...

What? Seriously? You barely have a butt! Mine is at least twice the size of yours, and I don't even consider it big...

Rebella said...

I am certain this post will get tons of comments... Heck it even got me typing 678 miles an hour in response to this post and I never (and I mean never) respond to things on blogs...

Seriously, I have tried to see it your way, I mean, really take a good look at that behind of yours(that sounds kind of weird) and I just DO NOT AGREE WITH YOU AT ALL!!! You do not have a big bum!!!

I could be saying : hey you do have a bit of a chunky rear end, but you still look good bla bla bla... but that is NOT the case. You really really really really really do NOT have a sizeable butt situation.

I don't know how to stress it enough so I will stop, but please please please (I love repeating words it seems) make peace with your body 'cause you really look quite awesome!

Life is too short to spend time not liking yourself!!

Aurevoir!

Marie-Claude

Sherron said...

Liar, liar, pants on fire. You do not have a big bum. I'm so tempted to call you a big A** for being so hard on yourself, but then that would definitely give you a complex.
Please be more gentle to yourself.

Sherron said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mana said...

You don't have a big but! You have no but!

Rach said...

Woa! No way....you must be playing a joke. You have the perfect bootay in this weird conversation going on...that's why you are popular though...you aren't afraid to speak your mind. : )

michelle@somedaycrafts said...

I wish my bum was as "big" as yours. I'd be one very happy lady!!!! My bum is 3 times your size:(

Susan - Uniquely Yours or Mine said...

You're ridiculous! You have a perfectly sized bum, it's just big compared to your kids bums ;)

Lori said...

Yeah, I agree... it is HUGE! hahaha.... can I be one of your kids?

Tiffany said...

Yeah. You really don't have much of a bum. You gotta think about the fact that your bum is right at your kids' eye level, so OF COURSE it's huge to them. If you really want to not feel bad about your butt, I'll send you a picture of mine. But seriously. See all the wrinkles in your jeans in the buttocks area? When those wrinkles are gone and your jeans are hugging your bum in a skin-tight sort of way? THEN you can complain about your big bum. Heh. For now, just relax.

Amanda said...

please tell me this is a joke. and if not, relax. you are tiny and adorable and your kids are just crazy.

Pressed Petals said...

yeah...i agree with all of the above comments...no big bum on you my dear.

Ashley said...

I would love to have a bum as cute as yours -- I AM JEALOUS!

Mrs. H said...

What are you talking about?!?!? I would do illegal things to have a rear-ender like yours. DO NOT listen to your children. Mine asked me last night if I was a husband or a wife. She couldn't remember.

Libby said...

If they think YOU have a big butt, then they haven't seen J. Lo and Beyonce's butts!
Don't let your kids influence your opinion of your body--they're warped just because they're your kids (said in the nicest way--my kids are warped just because they're mine, they didn't have a chance at being normal)

Trina said...

Don't worry - if I had your buns, I'd be blogging them too. Except I'd be all, "HEY EVERYBODY, LOOK AT MAH BUNS!" And then I'd make them my profile picture on every site I possibly could, and get them printed on a flag to hang by my garage, and then I'd get custom-printed return address labels with my buns instead of a monogram, followed closely by stationery and an iphone case. (If I had an iphone. But I'd rather have buns the size of yours.)

Julie said...

Wow we are way to hard on ourselves. I actually just finished reading this before I stopped to see what was new on your blog. And so I will share :)
http://www.stevewiens.com/2013/03/06/these-are-the-lines-of-a-story/

Labyrinth Gal said...

I've never heard a man say, "I hate my butt" (or any other body part). Women are too hard on themselves. That bum of yours gets you up and down stairs & in and out of chairs. It was there for you when you were learning how to walk and when you were birthing babies. Besides, everything is bigger to kids! :-) H.

Rosemary said...

I just wish I had a back view as good as yours!!!! Your bottom is not too large. I think you are beautifully proportioned.

Hippymom83 said...

If it will make you feel better I'll post pics of my HUGE behind on my blog next to pics of your cute little butt so that you won't feel bad anymore. Your-butt-is-to-my-butt as Halle-Berry's-butt-is-to-Queen-Latifah's-butt! So cheer up, Halle! As Trace Adkins would say, "you're one hot mama!" Believe it!

rose knight said...

I only wish a had such a little butt. Go back to the not hating your body. You truly do not have a large backside. Puleeeease.

Evelyn said...

Are you kidding me? I would PAY to get my butt looking that good in khakis (or any of those outfits, really).

My daughter told me the other day how lucky I am to have a big butt, cause when doors slam shut on it, there's no possible way it could hurt me with all that extra. Kids are cruel. :)

Joanna said...

I know you weren't looking for this, and I'm generally not one to dish out sweetness, but I will say in ALL honesty: I just don't see it.
You have a great butt. "specially" for having 4 kids. You look amazing. Plus my butt is bigger than yours, and I'll bet so is my cellulite. So embrace that maybe you have hips, but definitely not a big butt! (Hips are sexy.)

funjani said...

The question is not if your bottom is big, which it is NOT, but why your kids all asked. It is probably a matter of perspective. Sit them down at the table with a pencil and paper. Show them how things up close look larger in a photo. Have them draw a road that starts wider up front and goes narrower to the back. Then have them turn the paper over to draw pictures of the family's bums. Turn this into a positive learning experience with lots of laughs. I had a student ask me a few years back if I was pregnant? I laughed and said, "Thank you so much for thinking that I am young enough to have a baby." Again, put things into perspective. They probably heard this at school from someone else and passed it along amongst themselves. Keep up the good work of making me laugh.

Mark Luis said...

Mundo dos Temas

Tabitha Teeter said...

You have nothing to worry about. You have a nice small backside. Heck, you're thighs weren't even touching in most of the pics.

auntiejenni said...

omidear....what i wouldn't give for that fanny of yours. because one day i was in a pair of sweats and actually caught my behind from a mirror and about stroked out. serious. i had old-woman-butt. and i was only in my 50's. yeah. the thing was hanging down to my thighs nearly. and it jiggled. sigh. the sad thing is that it's never going back up. not in this life anyway. so i almost want to print out the last picture here and wonder over why i never even really had a butt that ever looked like yours. is there such a thing as butt-lust?

Bethany @ A Fish Who Likes Flowers said...

I know I'm a little late in commenting on this, but I have to say... if you think that your bum looks huge then I'd hate to think of what you would think of mine. It took me a long time to be able to appreciate my backside. Hopefully you'll be able to appreciate it yourself someday.

ZoZo's Mama said...

You're kidding right? I wish my butt was that "big." I'm still trying to lose my baby weight...granted she's starting kindergarten in September so.... yeah. I had myself convinced that as long as she was still in diapers I was cool. And then she up a potty trained herself....no joke...herself...and its a big deal because she has moderate Autism so I thought I had a huge battle ahead of me. So she did that in December- just one day went on the potty and said "No dipeys" and I was like "Really kid? You just blew my last excuse out of the water. Thanks.Thanks a lot." So now I'm stuck with this 46 year old post-baby body and all I want to do now is cut nooks into everything since I discovered this blog. Just one more nook....then I'll use the ellptical...pinky swear.