but in the last year, I've felt a huge, sudden, shift in Mommyhood.
And I'm not liking it. Not liking it one bit. I'm struggling against it-- fighting it-- I'm the one kicking and screaming and grabbing onto the casing of the door whilst someone tries to bodily remove me from my house.
I hate, HATE being the "busy" and the "chauffeur" mommy.
I said to a friend the other day,
"I'm sorry I didn't get back to you! I was spending my life in the car. All I know is, I didn't sign up for this crap."
And the friend, very lovingly, said,
"Oh, yes. Yes you did. You just didn't know you did at the time."
And the hubs is calling me from work, and he's all,
"So how's your day going?"
and then I just go off about how all I did was run around and drop everyone off and pick everyone up and it's been this and then it was that and I can't catch my breath "and the house is a mess Jack, and the kids are a mess Jack, you're a mess Jack.. . "
Except my name's not Jack but the rest is all true.
If I were my husband, I wouldn't even call anymore because I wouldn't want to hear my own answer.
Last week, I thought to myself,
"Self, if you don't take this 15 minute window of opportunity to get nekkid and git in the shower, there is a very high probability of no time for a shower for the rest of the day."
The other day, I was reading some Mommy tips, and it was about how this mom has made her car like a 2nd home, and she's prepared with snacks and coloring books and crap just to keep the peace 'n all.
And all I was thinking was,
But I don't want to live in my car! It's dirty and it stinks.
(Jeffro was playing Gran Turismo in our car not long ago and a crockpot of bbq lil smokies poured out into the trunk. Occasionally, I still get a wiff of that, and it's bad.)
Jeffro suggested I get an audiobook so I can enjoy my time in car-prison. I actually do try and journal/read while I wait for people, and that's nice 'n all. I guess.
(I was the driver during this shot. I was. 'Nt.)
Let me tell you something:
when all I had was little kids, back when we moved a lot and knew no one and I didn't have a car blahblahblah ( don't read about that here), it did something good, and yet bad, for me.
I got used to staying home, and having a very quiet, un-busy life.
This just isn't gonna work out for me.
You know how people used to say stuff like "There just isn't enough time in the day", but now we just use the much more current and heelarious term, "Ain't nobody got time for that."?
I always thought that was just silly. Because a few years back, I did have time. I was like that obnoxious kid on "Polar Express", and he's like, "We got plenty of time. We got nothing but time. We got time to kill."
Not so, anymore. Now I get it. If you stop by my house before noon, I will give you this answer:
"Sorry the kitchen's gross. I don't fit in a kitchen cleaning until the afternoon at the earliest."
And if I was a mom who worked?? I'd come home from a long day, and I'd be all,
"Oh no. . . I don't do cooking or dishes. I worked today. Sowww-y." (sing song voice)
(this picture is irrelevant. Just trying to lighten the mood.)
It's not like all of my children are in activities. I've got one in music stuff and one in preschool. And then there's church stuff and that's a life of its own. But that's it. Jeffro has told me many a time that it's only gonna get worse from here on out.
I know. I KNOW! Gosh.
Let me ask you: how am I supposed to take control of this chaos? How do I handle this?
"Well, you man up and stop being a wuss. That's what you do."
Okay, I am a wuss. I'm sure I will adjust, somewhat. But aside from that:
What do you do? Is there a golden rule of thumb? Keep it to only one activity per child (the thought of even that much more makes me want to rock back and forth in the corner and suck my thumb)?
Perhaps do I demand that extra activities be on only certain days, so I can have some calm days, and then some crazy days, when I turn into a pscyho hose beast behind the wheel?
I've got some organization crap I'll be building to help cut the chaos down. Make the mornings smoother. I really need to get up on that this week.
Oh, and I have really big plans for this contraption in the car, and when a kid is whining/fighting/whatever that is annoying, all I have to do is pull a string and something wacks the kid in the back of the head, and it's going to be epic.
So watch for that.