Wednesday, August 29, 2012

We've Been Spending Most Our Lives Living In A Crafters Paradise.

Allow me to sum up the weird mood I've been in by this phone conversation:
Me: "Daddy-o!  Whatcha workin' on?"
(this is how all our conversations start lately)
Daddy-o: "Nothing.  Just puttering.  What are you workin' on?"
Me: "Nothing.  Puttering."
Daddy-o: "I HATE that."
Me: Me, too."
And that's my life in a nutshell.  The end.
Seriously, I've been. . . just. . . puttering.  I'm in a mood.  Maybe I'm feeling surly.  I don't know.  But I need . . . just need.  . .to organize.
Did you just fall out of your chair?  I know what you're thinking about me!

You think I'm sloppy.  You think I probably have 10 projects started at once, paint on my fingers 'n clothes, a project out on the kitchen table so no one can eat there, toys underfoot, beds unmade, and the house goes by the wayside while I crapt and build and mold stuff.  And so on and so forth. 

And you would be correct.  So put that in your pipe and smoke it!
Oh, wait.

But if the above description of me is wrong, well then, I don't be right.

Except, at the same time, I want, nay, I need some organization.  It makes me feel a sense of control in a world full of chaos. (name that movie.)

Let's talk about my needs for a bit. 

First off,

I am now the official pro of changing out door knobs. Specifically, keyed entry doorknobs. Doorknob from H, above? It was that kind, where you like, would lock it, and the one side would still turn, so you didn't know it was locked, until you went out.
I already told you the story of being locked out in my nasty jammies and I needed to destroy a toilet, and I'm not going to tell it again, okay?
(runs off, slams door.)

Replaced that dang doorknob. And now? NOW WE WILL NEVER BE LOCKED OUT AGAIN!

Lies. Thing #4 locked us out this weekend. Dang it, Kenna.

Would you judge me if I placed a very high latch on my new craft closet? 'Cause I did.

Course you wouldn't. Because you know what kids are capable of. And you don't want to see one of my butt munches accidentally sew together their fingers. Or their hand to their chest. Or their head to their hand.
This is my house and you need to accept that anything is possible.

Would you judge me if I put a keyed entry knob on our food storage room?

Probably not, as any mom who's watched a slew of children coming out with a bag of Doritos, a can of pop, a box of crackers, and a package of Oreos just knows how annoying that is.

So, on a scale of one to anal, where am I at so far?
Don't answer yet. Please save your answers until we are finished, here.

Would you judge me, if I took every.single.last.freaking.toy, from under beds, under foot, out of the bathtubs, behind the couches, and then drug them down to the dungeon,

threw them in to this closet, switched out that fancy door knob for a keyed entry one, and LOCKED THE D$&# door? Would you?

  What if, when my kids asked where their toys were, I said in my most evil voice: "Gone, kids. GONE! Taken! BURNED!" ("and your little dog, too!" laughs evil laugh, rubs hands together.)

Oh. You would probably draw your line there.  Well, crap.  Never mind, then.


Maureen said...


Nope, no judging here! Applauding, yes! Maybe even a standing ovation.


Karen said...

Hahahahahaha!!! Dang, Girl, welcome to my world. I just told my wee boy yesterday that Mr. Potato Head is on a LOOOOOONG vacation. My Fave on the food list is the one where they make a 5 gallon glass of chocolate milk, take one drink, and then go outside and play so when you find it three days later it looks like a cottage cheese smoothie and smells like A...well ok, I will be a lady here, but only 'cause I really like ya!!!

Emily said...

I love it!! Do you want to come organize my house next?

The DeMille Family said...

We have that same stinking door knob on our front door. We get locked out all the time. Good think we have the number pad for the garage. Seriously, someone goes to take out the trash and we just wait for the doorbell cuz they locked themselves out.

The DeMille Family said...

We have that same stinking door knob on our front door. We get locked out all the time. Good think we have the number pad for the garage. Seriously, someone goes to take out the trash and we just wait for the doorbell cuz they locked themselves out.

Rebecca D said...

Not only am I not judging you... I am worse than you! When my girlies were small they were repeatedly locking themselves in their rooms and freaking out, so my husband turned the door knobs around... THis is when my evil plan was hatched... You see my room was on the end of the hall farthest from the stairs and access to the rest of the house, theirs was closest and I couldn't always hear when they woke up in the morning... When my four year old got up at 4 AM on her birthdy and ate nearly half of the birthday cake I was up until 1 AM decorating... (This happened a week after she nearly burned the house down playing with my curling iron in the bathroom then shoving it turned on into the hamper!) I started pushing that little button on the outside of their door at night when I went to bed. My life got a lot easier!

Rach said...

Funny! Love it

Ashlee said...

Mandi! Clueless of course. "at least I didn't skin a collie for fashion." "it's faux!"

Layne Bushell said...

I do lock the toy closet. The kids get in there (especially the neighbor you have a name for them, cause I need a good name) come and dump out every single game and all bazillion pieces...all 20 of them...every time they come over. The children now get to ask me to unlock the door so they can get what they want. It helps the disaster. doesn't eliminate it, but helps. You lock every &%#@ door in your house!

Lisa at Shine Your Light said...

By all means lock the doors! Especially the food storage room!!

DressUpNotDown said...

I noticed the Notice on your door :o)

DoriG said...

Oh! My! Goodness! Do you EVER take me back to my kids' childhoods! I'm laughing my head off here. And resonating with you! You know what? You do what you need to do. And NOBODY better judge until they BECOME you and walk a mile in your shoes! I truly enjoy your posts. They brighten my day. =^)

Jennifer Whitlock said...

Please tell me you DID lock the toys in that closet.

Please. Please. Please.

Then there's no doubt that you are my hero.

(Or heroine?)

Jessie said...

Ah! Go you mama! I am so all over that!

Amanda said...

This is easily the BEST title to a post ever ever ever

Tori said...

Hi!! Just discovered your blog recently after a post on Pinterest (which I am just becoming acquainted with). I love, love, love the wall where you are displaying the rows of picture frames. We totally want to do that and are wondering if there are any instructions on that....

Also, my maiden name is "Tremaine" so it was interesting to see YOUR name.