Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Hallmark can't afford me.

Let me 'splain: no, there is too much. Let me sum up:

Buttercup is marrying Humperdink in little less than half an hour.

I'm sorry. I've been working hard lately. Had to get out some movie quote-age. It makes me feel so much better.

But to get to the point:

See, I have lots of fancy shmancy neighbors that make gawgeous cards:

Gawgeous. But I think I've come to terms that my "Oh I wanna learn how. . ." or "Oh I should do those. . . " is never really gonna happen. I'm a realist.

So, here's how it all went down:

whilst picking out some flowers and a card for a cute friend who just had a cute baby, I thought to myself,

"Self? How boring. A baby blue, 'Congratulations Baby Boy' card? How unoriginal. How lame. How bourgeois."

And so I walked away with a super tacky wedding card. You know; just for fun. Just to shake things up a bit. Add a little spice to life. Bring a little of my crazy train into someone else's house.

And so forth.

And the totally random card? Hmm. . . I did mention previously that my family's not really card people, and heck, we pass around the lamest card for the fun of it, remember?:

So, to make a long story short (TOO LATE), I was really digging this totally random, nonsensical, jolt to the senses kind of card.

These aren't just for anyone-- they'd have to share the same type of twisted sense of humor that I am blessed/cursed with.

Perhaps that just means only my siblings will receive them.

What Mom? That's the title of the font. I didn't name it that.

Alright maybe that one'll never see the light of day.

And these are all plain. Just like me. And my wardrobe.

(for when ya wanna toot your own horn).

Yep. There's a Lollipop Day. Surprised you didn't know that. They have a thick candy shell. Surprised you didn't know that.

("Your brain has a thick candy shell." Sorry. Movie quotes relieve the tension.)

I am not making these days up.

You can find these crazy "days" here.

And ya know,

no one's really gonna know when "dump your significant jerk" day is-- so you can feel free to give a card like that any day, can'tcha?

This 'un might come in handy for me soon:


Maybe this one should just stay betwixt my brothers and I.

I can soo see a new space between the "SYMPATHY" and "BIRTHDAY" cards, can't you? Perhaps the new "RANDOM" section? "POINTLESS" maybe?


Jane said...

These cards are fantastic! I love them!

Megan said...

I second what Jane said! LOVE the randomness... totally fits me. lol

Michelle@Somedaycrafts said...

I need 100 of those cards! My friends would continue to think that I psycho! Love them!

slommler said...

Love the cards!!! Pointless for sure!! Ha!!

dena4kids said...

I think you have found your true calling.:)

Edna said...

Love em! I'll buy a whole set :-)

Suesan said...

I must be blessed/cursed with the same sense of humor as you! I'd love these cards. Thanks for brightening my day.

Whimsy-ma-blog said...

THese are what the card world need! Seriously, how much money can Hallmark spend on the EXACT same mushy or lamely funny cards? Yours rock!

Leslie@leserleeslovesandhobbies said...

I love those cards! They are super awesome. And I think it would be hilarious to receive a random card for a baby shower, instead of the regular boring cards.

Dharma said...

hahahaha - awesomer!

reminds me of the set of homemade birthday cards I sent out one year to everyone I knew that said...

"If you were any cooler...........

You'd be me. BOOYAH!"

bonniegetchell said...

Not everyone has that sense of humor but I think the cards are real and you'll definitely have buyers!


Emily said...

I think your cards are funny. I would totally buy them. Ü

Neckmeat said...

LOL I absolutely LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the middle finger card!! :) I want to give it to my dad!

Kimbo West @ a girl and a glue gun said...

dude. an etsy shop is calling your name to sell these (you know...with all the extra time you have laying around.) LOVE!

Heidi@TheCraftMonkey said...

Awesome! I'll take 1 of each, and an extra couple middle finger ones! haha

Kimberly said...

Love it!

T.Irwin said...

your opening lines capture my attention and then the rest made me laugh.

I used to spend time making those wonderful and creative cards and people raved about them, but then they ended up in the same place as all cards do: the garbage and I thought, "what a waste." so I stopped making them.

I love your typed up cards, tho! Brilliant and worthy of being copied!! Love it!

This had me laughing, so thanks for that!

mab said...

If I owned a Hallmark franchise (which I don't because they wouldn't give one to me.... I'd be forced to break off all of those dadgum Snowbabies heads.... they freak me out) -- I'd put your cards directly in the "FRIKKIN AWESOME" section of my store.

Shirley said...

You can so send me any of those cards, and I'll be hootin' with laughter! :)

WhettenWild said...

I love these! ha ha. I'm not a sappy card kinda girl =)

MamaBug said...

OMG..came by from 733 to see what she designed and laughed so hard and need to make that middle finger card.
Thanks for making me laugh!

Teri said...

Happy SCUD day! You bring the comic into my life, lady. Especially with that "middle finger" card.

stormyyskyy said...

And the movie is... The Princess Bride. Better go save Princess Buttercup. Or send her an apology card.

Nicolette @ Momnivore's Dilemma said...

time to get a letterpress and go all fancy ass on those cards. hilarious.

Nina said...

Love them all!! So taaaahhhhrrrdd of all the boring store cards and these are perfect for my nonsentimental family.. Oh, and love the idea of passing around the lamest card..that made me snort out loud!

shelia said...

you are so hilarious!! and I LOVE LOVE princess bride. i totally got that reference--and giggled out loud!!