Saturday, June 5, 2010

Note to neighbors: we're jerks.

I just think I ought to warn my great, awesome, friendly neighbors around here.

We're bad neighbors. Jerks. Butt munches. Fart knockers, if you will.

See, if you've been with me a while on this ole bloggy blog, then you know that our old neighbors hate us. I mean, hate us.

Take our prior psycho hose beast spinster lady neighbor.

Despite that we smiled, waved, brought over little Christmas presents, and treats.. .

that sign was for us.

What did we do you ask? We had the audacity to have a water fight (this water fight in fact)

and water went through and over the fence. She was as mad as a wet hen. If you want to read about it because you must be bored to tears, then go here.

Take the other hoochie mama spinster lady neighbor to the other side of us.
If we're not considering that the falling leaves from our tree bugged her enough to put each.and.every.leaf back on our lawn every Friday at 4:00 pm like this:

(it was a BIG tree)

then surely I must be talking about the altercation between her and my husband regarding the giant, sharp, waiting-to-impale-a-little-kid pipe sticking out of the ground between our properties that my husband had the guts to touch. (Yes, I said he "touched" it).

(psst: it's that house behind that evil little boy)
The pipe was the neighbor's "property marker". It is "not to be touched".

(there she is! On Friday. At 4:00 pm.)
Let's just say that my husband is generally a passive, sweet little kitten.

Let's just say that this argument involved the words "bad grouchy neighbor" and "ridiculous".

And if you've been with me a really, really, ree-hee-heelly long time, then you know our place of residence prior to that one involved another spinster lady below us, who considered anything more than a tiptoe as grounds to slam the ceiling with a broom and call the office.

So, we suck, folks. Suck.

When we looked for houses, and we saw this one, and we realized we were on an island: no one directly to the left of us, no one directly to the right--

it was twoo wuv.

"We're saving someone the pain of living next to us", we said.

And imagine my surpreese, when all our neighbors have treated us so awesome. I mean, like the only neighbors we have (behind us), who have brought treats and called to make sure their adorable daughters can jump on the tramp after 8:00 without disturbing us, awesome. Like something on the doorstep half the time, awesome.
Like these

(your beautiful handwriting gave you away missy :)

Or this pan from whom I have dubbed "the lovely lady"

or the cards I've received that mean so so so so so much to me.


And last but certainly not least, the other lovely lady who magically appears with a little sumfin' sumfin' to brighten my day. Just for the hey of it. (Last week it was a big delicious banana-strawberry-fudge sundae. Seriously.)


So I guess what I'd like to say, (besides thank you. . .THANK YOU!) is,


We're not worthy, we're not worthy!

16 comments:

Emily said...

What nice neighbors you have! I would love to come home to those tulips. They are beautiful

Tracy's Trinkets and Treasures said...

I am glad you have nice neighbos now. I love that photo of you with the pan. I have to know what kind of camera you use and how do you get such awesome pics. I mean you made a No Trespassing sign look good.

Amanda said...

Awesome! I want to move to your neighborhood. Ours is pretty good, except for the hoochy-mamma and her hoochy daughter that live two houses down that come outside in their daisy-dukes and bikini tops and mow the lawn or shovel dirt or get the mail... ya know, the things you can't do withouht dressing like a hoe in front of my husband and sons. Other than that, our neighbors are good... but maybe not that good. I've never come home to frying pans and tulips. You must be pretty cool.

gina3 said...

We live in a neighborhood like you live in now. The neighbors are awesome and some have become close friends. Everyone has kids and understands. Front porches often get surprises from others neighbors. It's such a great place to raise kids. (and yes, you are worthy!)

dena4kids said...

Hee hee, I forgot about the leaves! Good times my friend, good times.=)

Carisa Knox said...

We have awesome neighbors too. Everyone around us has brought Grace gifts at Christmas, Easter, Valentines Day, her birthday, just becasue. The teacher next door brings her books and the mother of the neighbor made a baby blanket for Reagan. All the neighbors broughtgifts for Reagan. Totally unexpected. But my favorite...the homemade flat bread from our Egyptian neighbor and fresh tomatoes fro Grace's 60 year old soul sister who absolutely adores her..... oh my goodness. We feel the love and reciprocate when we can0 which isn't often enough.... Maybe it's time to bake some cupcakes and bring over some lavender from the bush.....
Some neighbors are the absolute best!!! Glad that you finally have some good ones!

WhettenWild said...

Well, I think after all of the crazy absurd neighbors, you guys deserve to have some nice ones!!

Ashlee @ I'm Topsy Turvy said...

This is HIGH-larious! I wish I wrote as great as you, it's just so completely visual! I too have had neighbors that HATED me. Probably because we called the cops when we heard him beating his wife... but maybe it was something else?

Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points said...

Once upon a time my ex and I lived in an apartment. Upstairs. We had a waterbed. When we moved we had to drain the waterbed into the bathtub. Unbeknownst to us, the hose flipped out of the bathtub while we out, causing the water to siphon out of the waterbed and not into the tub, but onto the floor...

...causing it to rain in the downstairs neighbor's apartment (who was a lovely lady but who had cerebral palsy and for whom mobility was a challenge, and so coping with it raining in her apartment was something of a hardship.)

Fortunately, the property manager got into our apartment very quickly and adjusted the hose and no damage was done.

Except to psyche of the poor woman who lived through a downpour in her one-bedroom, ground-level apartment.

We felt pretty sucky about that.

So if you didn't make it RAIN on your neighbors while they were SAFELY INSIDE THEIR OWN HOMES, you're pretty good in my book.

Sue said...

Bwaahaahaa! I love that line of raked leaves. Hope the wind doesn't change direction.

Carisa Knox said...

May I get your email address, please? I moderate my comments now so feel free to send it to my blog without exposing yourself to the world (even though my readership is a grnad total of three). I have more questions for you. In answer to your last question, all of your answers were very helpful, you just opened the door for me to ask more questions though!
;-)

chris w said...

Dude - you earned it! Anybody that had those previous neighbors deserves a tulip or two. ;)

I SO love the picture of the perfect line of demarcation for the leaves. That is gonna be an image that makes me happy for a long time.

Glad you have sweeties around you now.

Miranda said...

For the record, you are SO worthy! And also for the record, we're pretty sucky neighbors too. That's why we live down a long dirt road with no neighbors in sight. Bliss! Mostly. FYI, I answered your question in my blog comments. BTW, I love the tulips. My fave!

littlebeachbum said...

I second Tracy when she says she wants to know what kind of camera you use! You're pictures are always fabulous.

And I cannot understand how a person gets to be so crotchety that they hate a family with kids as adorable as yours! What a shame. So glad you have nice new neighbors now :)

Teri said...

This is, I think, my favourite post of yours because a) I love it when people are lovin' life, and b) this post may win the award for most Wayne's World references in a blog post EVER.

Kristi said...

Oh my gosh, I love that there was a distinct line where the leaves stopped. What a b*tch! ha ha

Sounds like you have great neighbors! Wish one of mine would bring me a sundae! I have a neigbor who can't cook or bake and I share my stuff with her sometimes.