Friday, January 22, 2010

Confessions of a Middle-Aged, Crazy Mom.

"So what did it Jack? Huh? The boredom? The loneliness? The repetition? The days, one running into the next. . .?"

No. I'm not wearing the same flannel shirt day after day. Nor have I reheated a grilled cheese sandwich with an iron, or dried the socks in our microwave-- nor am I addicted to The Young & The Restless. I haven't yelled "Irv, we were never in aisle 7! I'm tellin' ya, honest!"

But I've had a difficult time this past month. I'm not one to pretend everything's perfect over here. Like I've already said this week, I'm all about keeping it real.

But it's been "Groundhog Day" over here. One day, bleeding into the next. Too many loads of laundry, little bum wipes, little shoes to put on, beds to make, fights to stop, hairs to comb. . . All.the.time.

What does this have to do with my children? Everything. Nothing.

Really, it's not about my children. I love 'em. Glad I have 'em. Grateful for 'em. This is about housewifery. This is about my husband's work hours that have far exceeded my worst case scenario since we've moved back home. This is saying a lot, since I'm used to 12+ hour work days, even on weekends. I'm used to being all by myself.

How do single, stay-at-home mom's do it? I don't know. I was doing so well at first, and then things began to crumble.

I blame this on very little sleep. I blame this on 3 out 4 of my homies ending up in bed with me lately due to "bad dweams" (kicks to the head, the stomach, pushing me off my own bed, etc). I blame this on weekends that feel like regular weekdays. I blame this on 6 months straight of feeling like a widowed mother of 4 children under the age of 6. I blame this on the chaos of just running to the store for a gallon of frigging milk.

Am I a whiner? Yep. Yessirree, Bob.

But I'm still making a few changes.

I'm watching more T.V.
Yeah, you heard me. I'm going to sit on my fat butt and watch more T.V. shows. Up until a couple days ago I never watched T.V. Ever. It makes me feel more isolated. So I'm going to watch a show or two.

I'm shaking up the evenings. It's the evenings that get me down.

I'm getting a babysitter for 2 hours on Saturdays. So I can go get that frigging gallon of milk by myself, and maybe go tanning and to the Hob Lob. All by myself (you ever taken your kids to Hob Lob? It's dangerous).

Ain't it funny how you read or hear something just when you really need it? This was mine.

And I quote: "Life presses all kinds of burdens on each of us, some light but others relentless and heavy. . ."

"bearing up under our own burdens can help us develop a reservoir of empathy for the problems others face. . ."

"yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord."

I suddenly felt a ton better.


WhettenWild said...

Is your brain like oatmeal? Did you yell at Jamison for coloring outside of the lines? Are you and Johnny starting to watch the same T.V. shows?

Couldn't resist some Mr. Mom lines.

Sorry this has been a rough last little bit. All of that and then you have to be TORTURED by talking to me on the phone for hours at a time everyday.

I'm glad you are going to spend some alone time on Saturdays! That will be so good.

chris w said...

What a great talk.

When I had my first child I was 30. I had been in the professional world for a while and was even contributing the majority of the income to our family. It was never a consideration for me to not stay home, but it just about did me in.

After figuring out some of the things I needed to do to stay sane, and I was feeling better, even enjoying myself, I was reading the story of Nephi's family in the wilderness. You know when it was really crappy and they had to eat raw meat. Laman and Lemual were whining about how it would be better to have died than to go through this and Nephi talks about how it was really hard on them too, but how they kept going and the Lord made it sweet to them. It hit me that I had been in both of those mindsets and I was glad that I had kept going and had let the Lord make it sweet for me.

I only have two and there are still days I feel like that. As we try for a third, I am gearing myself up to go through a lot of those feelings again. It always seems the worst for the first while after you have a new one.

I am not trying to preach at all to you - just sayin' "I HEAR YA SISTAH!"

Do what you need to do to stay sane, rely on the Lord, and know that there are a lot of ladies out here that know how hard it is and think you are amazing for what you do.

And there is at least one lady that reads your blog and thinks you are pretty freakin' awesome. :)

Emily said...

I know how you feel, Dave works crazy hours too. if you ever need to let me know and I can watch your kids when you need to run to get that gallon of milk...Ü

My Name's Sarah said...

Well done. That talk is in "my favorites." ps-- I think I could sit down and quote that entire move... Mr. Mom. Classic.

The Schoonies said...

love the mr. mom movie. maybe i should watch that just for fun. some days burdens feel a lot heavier than other days...some days they just down right suck! hope that you have a good week:)

dena4kids said...

Sorry you are having it rough. I wish I was there to help ya.:)
Thanks for posting the talk. I needed something for my lesson next month.heehee.

If ever you need to talk to a "grown up" call me, and I will find someone for ya!(heeheee..good times, good times.=)