Thursday, May 8, 2008

Go Beep Yourself

Hi. My name is Mandi. And I am a swearaholic. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I'm going to lay it all out on the table. I can tell you when this started happening: after Jace was born. Now wait!! Not BECAUSE of Jace, but because I took great pains to get him to nap, to have Jamison come in and wake him 5 minutes later. Severe frustration led to certain 4 letter words, and now I just can't get a handle on it. It is addictive! I can't stop. I sound like a construction worker. Well that's not true. I would never ever say the "F" word. But pretty much everything else. . .
You know what I need? I need a bleep sound. No, not to cover up my swearing, but in place of my swearing. So I downloaded the classic "bleep" sound. And you know what I did? I put it on my handy-dandy phone, which is also a wonderful little mp3 player, and put it in it's own playlist for easy retrieval. So, the next time I'm carrying a plastic bag full of glass jars and the bag breaks and they all fall and roll down a flight of wooden steps to concrete below and I say "$#%*!!", or I open the freezer and frozen fish filets fly out of the freezer and hit me square in the nose (OH I hate getting hit in the face; I HATE it), I need to be able to go: okay wait for it--just a sec-- here we go: "BLEEEEEEEEEP". It does come in different amount of times, just for me. Quarter second, half a second, full second? Whatever I need. And if I'm really mad: "BLEEP! BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP!" Maybe, just maybe, I'll laugh instead. Because you know, bleep happens. Like when Jace hit Noah in the back of the head with the rock. I could have used 5 or 6 bleeps. I really could have.

7 comments:

Alissa said...

trust me, girl... you're not the only one...

WhettenWild said...

You are cracking me up!!! I have GOT to see you bleep yourself.

Hope Mom and Dad don't read this post. ha ha!

Jessie said...

Yes, you are not alone in this one. When someone pulls out in front of me a certain profanity flies out of my mouth without any effort. I need to do better.

Too bad my phone isn't an mp3 player too.

Anonymous said...

Mandi this is your mother. I've got a bar of soap with your name on it.

Jen said...

This is the best post that I've read in a long time...I laughed all the way through it! I hope your mom has a couple boxes of soap for me...lol!

dena4kids said...

Heehee...I need a bleep machine for Nathan!

Aoiii said...

Mandi.... of all the people I would have never guessed.....

But that's @#$%*&^ funny girl!

Honestly I have yet to meet anyone (even my mother who DESPISES swearing of any kind) that wont say something they wouldn't say in front of their mother when someone cuts them off or they burn themselves on the stove or they stub their toe, well you get the idea. Just keep it clean around the kids and you'll be fine.