Monday, May 12, 2008

Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey

Get ready to be so excited you're going to pee your pants!
Back from the bathroom? These are my (not so) deep thoughts of the week.
1. I bought myself a new ringback tone: Blue October's "Into The Ocean". Too bad I don't call myself more often.
2. I noticed that "Lost" (a.k.a. my favorite show) is now viewable on abc.com for every single season. That's right folks. Want to get into it? Start at the beginning and fall in love with Kate, Sawyer, Jack, or Hurley. Depending on your preference.
3. Speaking of love, I'm in love with Jim Halpert. Did you see that episode where he shows the ring he bought for Pam? A week after they were dating? Sigh.
4. I flicked toothpaste in my eye. It really hurts. Don't do it, man.
5. I'm still losing a lot of hair. I'm surprised I have any left. Maybe I should have saved it for a wig. Maybe my own wig.?.
6. We've lived here, in this house, for 1 year now. Happy Anniversary to us I suppose.
7. I'm so itchy from hay fever that I'd like to get a back scratcher and go to town on my eyes, throat, and inner ears. It'd feel so good until I was done and the burn started.
8.Sucks when you wash your sheets and put 'em back on clean to have your baby barf on them before they're even completely on.
9. How many times do I have to tell a certain child not to touch the eggs? Why are they so fun to play with? You ever cleaned up raw egg if it's dried?
10. FYI: L'oreal Couleur Experte #70 "dark blonde" is really more like medium brown. Believe you me, I'd have liked that heads up last week. Pictures of that will be forthcoming in like 2010, maybe.
11. It's funny how swayed kids are by advertising. Example: "Mommy can we buy those yogo's?" "Um, no you had those at grandma's house and you didn't like them." "NO! They're delicious. I would love them." Or how about "Can we go to that place that says 'eat fresh'?"
12. The 2 sister's in law I've been praying will get pregnant are, and are due the SAME TIME! YAY!! (girlish clapping/jumping up and down)
13. TWO THINGS: 1., blockbuster now has a wall just for Blu-Ray. Awesome. I took the opportunity to be a huge snot and tell them it irritated me when I asked a month ago when they were getting Blu-Ray and the raunchy lady told me "in two years" like a total hag. Okay, not my finest response, I know. And 2., we watched "Premonition". Good movie, yet disturbing.
14. My parents are going on a cruise this week-- 10 days in Europe. Wow. Those lazy butts act like they're retired or somethin'. And since they'll be gone forever, I'm going to take the opportunity to say 2 more things about swearing:
15. It is sooo tempting to adopt my brother's motto on swearing: if it's in the bible, you can use it. That frees up 3 of my favorite swears.
16. Also, my sister in law's aunt or great aunt frequently uses the word "shat". She figures this is not swearing since it is the past tense. That would be an awfully fun word to use as well.
17. Also, this is still wrong, isn't it?

9 comments:

WhettenWild said...

Oh man, I am laughing so hard. That is SUCH a funny post.

pamo said...

Your personality really shines through on this here blog! You are crackin' me up!

dena4kids said...

Good times good times! Is Premonition the one with Sandra Bullock? That was a disturbing movie.

dena4kids said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
dena4kids said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Emily said...

always can count on you for a laugh. I like to use the word "sheet" instead of the real thing. Makes me feel better, but I might change my mind when Londynn starts saying it.lol

Jen said...

Love the Shat comment! We'll have to start using that word more often. There's a gas station in Greensboro called Sheetz, but we call it shatz! I also enjoy your brother's motto.

Renee said...

Seriously...Mandi, you should write a book, you are hilarious! I love your blog! :)

The Schoonies said...

I echo everyone else's comments you seriously are so funny! I love reading your posts...you always make me laugh! Thank You:)